I'm terrified

Another day is passing by
And one more time, the sun will set
I weren't touched by light today

Cars are passing by
People are living their lives
While I'm locked up in myself
What am I afraid of?

Spring is coming
Winter is fading
But how do I spend my time?

Headaches and chest pains
Depression and anxiety
Why am I so damn sad?

Have I been bad?

And the wind bites me
The sun pains my eyes
But I can't live through a window

Why do I feel that I'm not ready for this world
I already faced troubles
We overcame, who can I blame?
Except. For. Me.

Spring is coming
Winter is fading
But how do I spend my life?

What makes me so afraid?
IS life that cruel?
I'm terrified.

To run away

I'd like to cut my hair
Dye it and change my clothes
Paint my nails, run away
And just become someone else
I could change my name
Forget my dreams
Forget the past
And just become someone else
Since there's nothing
That makes it worth the pain
To stay

to Hide Behind A Smile

Have you ever felt this panic in your chest?
Making it so damn painful to breathe
Just wanting to crawl up in a dark corner
When the world's too big, indeed

Wanting to hide from your problems
You don't need friends anyway
So much better off alone
Since you'd only scare them away

With your depression and your hurt
All this mess you live in
The darkness you've become
And all the sorrow hiding under your skin

Have you ever felt alone?
Wishing there was someone beside
Someone strong enough to hold you together
That you'd never push aside

Since this is what you do
When someone gets too close
You tried to figure why but
You keep tipping on your toes

Not letting them see
What's underneath these eyes
The tears at night and the constant hurt
Since you wear this disguise

Not giving those who care a reason
For why you'd turn reserved and hostile
When joy is too hard to fake
When you can't hide behind a smile

Kan Ett Piller Få Mig Att Le?

Jag lever i min verklighet. Lever i
min skit. Vill inte andas längre.
Vill inte försöka. Med böcker
på lungorna och med krav tunga
som tegelstenar på axlarna, vill jag
bara vila. En sömn som aldrig tar
slut. Med brännande blickar i
ryggen, vill jag bara försvinna.
Med alla jävla sociala prövningar,
som ger mig ångest. All osäkerhet
som flödar i mig blir till skakningar
och kramp i bröstet. Gör det tungt
att andas. Gör det tungt att leva.
Varför är jag ledsen? Varför gråter
jag? Skapar jag inte mina egna
problem? Borde jag inte kunna ta
mig ur dem då? Och fuckingjävla
Zoloft. Cipramil, Fontex, Seroxat.
De säger att jag är sjuk. Men är
det inte bara ett annat namn för
Alvedon och Ipren? Kan ett piller
lyfta böcker och dämpa skakningar?
Kan ett piller ge mig livslust igen?
Kan ett piller få mig att le?

Noose 'Round My Neck

It's been so long
Time goes fast
I guess I was stupid
Who'd think it would last
Open wounds
I thought was healed
But yet they're bleeding
So this was real?
The hurt
Was supposed to go
Away with love
But I guess it just couldn't
lay low

I tried to be independent
I tried to stand strong
I thought I'd be okay alone
I guess I was wrong
For I'm back again
I suffer
From things unreal
They've become tougher
Strangling me
Can't anyone see,
The noose 'round my neck
Keeping me in my world,
impossible to flee

Things to live for
I call them my stars
But in a black, winter night
I can only see scars
From anxiety
And days so bad
They thought I was better
Keeping this in is driving me mad!
You say I'm worth living for
But have I been fair?
I've only made your life worse
And the ones I push aside,
was the ones to care

You never Died

Go ahead, try again
Can you do my job better?
Slit your wrists, stop breathing
Write your suicide letter
Find the glamour
In my hurt
And then discover the truth;
To lay down in the dirt
Cry for your lost soul
'Til you see
That you turned inte to broken body
That you tried to be
Try harder
You're almost there
Though you'll never be me
You never had a lack of air
You never was overwhelmed by hate
You'd never leave wounds open wide
Hoping to bleed to death
You never died

My world turning Black

Two fucking weeks
I thought I was doing well
I never expected this to come back
My history was hell
And I smiled for real
Laughed indeed
But now I'm back again
Yes, now I bleed
For the oceans are drowning me
Sucked me down again
And the horror were over
But now I feel the rain
Hitting my chest
Like bombs from the sky
I won't try to hide it
Won't try to deny
Motherfucking sick
Never been sane
Don't want to breathe
I cannot explain
Anxiety and depression
Sitting on my back
Heavy as hell
My world turning black

Shadows In The Snow

A layer of virgin snow
So innocent and pale
No matter where I try to go
I always tend to fail
A light smoke above the frozen lake
Poison for us to inhale
And in the snow
A human left it's trail

The sound of reality fades away
As I stare out on this lovely view
Ghosts and shadows cast their mood
But I just see through
For I am charmed by the lights
Reflecting in my eye
And for once
I'm not afraid to die