Superficial Solitude

Well-known, hissy whispers
Physical touches like
Superficial shocks
Numbing the solitude,
The void
I live too momentarily
Forgetting for now
Recoiled back the next second
I search endlessly for
Whispers to sedate my hunger

Bloodletting

When I drop my intestines on your floor
Will you laugh- will you be disgusted?
Search my face with burning scepticism
Realize that I'm way too maladjusted?

If I say then that I've been waiting
That there wasn't room inside of me-
That something had to go eventually
Would you ask me to leave you be?


Gazing at my guts that make out patterns
Where our only limit is imagination
Would it hold sympathy and affection,
If I'd distinguish your soul's vibration

Right then, when my filth is exposed
Could my shame ever be relieved?
And would all your impressions of me
Mean nothing- everything you believed


Explaining how I've been knowing how
Everything in me would have me burst
And that I've walked with horrid ideas
As my mind anticipated the worst

If I would tell you everything like that
How my angst is like another dimension
That cannot fit within my aching body
Would I really have your attention?


If I would enter a state of muted shock
I assume you'd show me your dismay
Like I picture two worlds fiercely colliding
And I'm pretty sure you'd walk away

Merged Memories

Memories that are nailed to the walls
My mother used to mention them
That was why we had to leave, she said
She felt they were consuming her

Some years later I found myself there
Memories had merged with the concrete
Where I had been living for years
And I walked through painful memories

There must be an art of letting go
Since it's so much harder than it seems
I never felt nostalgia - but nausea
We could've pretended nothing happened

I left the concrete that wore the past
Ghouls play the drama all around me
Vivid images I never could forget
Seizing my concentration, my motivation

Perhaps the memories united with my skin
Maybe embarked my blood vessels
There should be an art of moving on
For if it was an art, I could master it

Prensence of Future

Tomorrow never has the time to wait
For someone who's stuck in yesterday
It's hard to move on forward when
Bones are smashed, when limbs won't obey

To struggle to stay one step behind
Yet never dare to loose motivation
You were passed down to your lane
It's your mission - your damnation

Tomorrow never has the time to linger
For those of my kind; who never keep in pace
When your past seems morbid, out of tune
It's hard to see life as just a temporary phase

To choose what is your destination
Also to head for that direction
It may not be what you expected
There's no such thing as perfection

Tomorrow never has the chance to choose
A goal, a mission, a purpose to start from
While you hold your own power
As you may decide what to become

The Butterfly Effect

Whatever bleached
my dreams - they are now like a
butterfly with a

set of pale wings
Mournfully taking each wing-beat
with ignominy

Creating chaos,
burning colour along with
vitality - yet

another wing-beat
To force destruction on
the rest. I dream just

like the butterfly
creating armageddon
With air, with grey, with-

out realization

Horror

The world around me keeps contracting
Tuning in with the colours of the night
I'm searching for something distracting
A delicate shred of hopeful light
As I squeeze my kneecaps tight

To stay in reality, this thing called sanity
To never give in to my disorder
While receiving this twist of inhumanity
And keeping my mind in order -
Always balancing on the border

Tripping on the edge of nightmares
Hell and heaven ghoulishly combined
Where I loose control, where it ensnares
Madness along with fears, entwined
Delusional or not - I'm too blind

As the angst crawls out of every pore
Manifested as insects creeping on my skin
I scratch my body burning red, I can't ignore
It absorbs me increasingly, just can't give in
Just another struggle I must win

Eventually it'll end - for this time
I know it'll strike me again and again
Exhausted, I pound my heart in grime
The motivation I utterly have to maintain
For the harmony that I'll one day obtain

Klarhet

Jag sliter lös min
hud; för att blotta skuggan
den döljer - såsom

solen bemantlar
sanningen, vilseleder,
fräter hornhinnan

Blekta bilder som
försvunnit, vinden tickar
Vrider sig, kväver

tankar jag inte tänker