Another selfish poem

I'm not okay
I don't feel fine
And to keep those tears away
I isolate the heart of mine

I want to sleep forever
And when I wake up just feel good
And I wouldn't care whatever
I wouldn't depend 'cause no one else would

I wish to do something right
For once in my life
I want someone to be proud at me and look at me with delight
And for once not wanting to take the knife

All these egoistic poems I write
Just someting from my heart
About my fright
That will someday tear me apart

I'm so damn lame

What I've developed into
What made me for who I am
All the things I went through
Why I've been condemn

This image of me is so unsure
It's so damn frail
Inside my mind is obscure
My self-conscience is just a false detail

This strong me talking
Who's controlling every movement
It's fake the way I'm walking
And there ain't much improvement

I'm damn weak
And it's so fucking lame
Can't handle critique
And I've got no one else than myself to blame

I'm afraid to burst
And rarely let anyone in
Everything's reversed
But I'll continue fight my fear within

Can't stand alone

I love you but I know
That you deserve the best
Not someone from below
Someone who ain't this depressed

But I still don't want to let you go
And it's so egostic of me to occur
You deserve someone who'd know
That you'd choose to be with her

But I am so damn scared you'd prefere to be
With some other girl
Since there is so much wrong with me
And my whole mind twirl

Sorry to push this on you
Since you did nothing wrong
And if you want me please just help me to
Stand strong

To dad

I am sorry for everything I'm not
All I want is to make you proud
But this is all I've got
To stand out in the crowd

Daddy, I know
That you love me
And I want to show
How good I can be

But I can't stand there
Keep in my anger or sadness
It's too damn hard to bear
Only giving me madness

I know you underestimate me
Alot of people do
But what they expect me to be
Is something I'll never turn into

You say that you don't think of me that way
But I can see it in your eyes
That I'm a teenager and haven't got so much to say
That I'm not deep and only think of guys

But the world is full of so much more
And I'm not that dumb
I'll always be me, but maybe not the one I was before
At least I know what I won't become

Just someone

I'm just among them all
I'm someone in the crowd
It doesn't matter if I fall
And to stand out is not allowed

I'm a minor part of life
I'm easy to replace
Let me play with my knife
And my dark memories erase

When I'll be gone
You'll find someone to take my place
I'm not as beautiful as a swan
Can't you see my disgrace

The world would never shed a tear
If you can't stand to feel
It's not important to repair
A life ain't no big deal

Don't give a damn
Don't even pretend to
I am the one I am
I'll try to get through

Shadow

Hold me tighter
Please don't let me go
With you my day seem brighter
I forget all the dark things I know

I'm about to fall away
Fade into someone in the crowd
Show me that I'm special today
Tell me that I make you proud

I need to know that I'm real
That I'm supposed to breathe this air
'Cause what I need to feel
Is that someone would care

Without me here on earth
Would anyone notice if I'd disappear
Am I anything worth
Do you want me here

To Shelter Away

And so it begun again
The goddamn isolation
I tried to strain
Drowning in my own frustration

I can't stop this act
Even though I try
I can't push away the fact
And I can't deny

I don't want to lose you
I don't want to shelter away
And it kills me that I can nothing do
Please make me stay

So weak I can't fight back
I'm losing to someone inide of me
I'm on the wrong track
I'm not the one I used to be

Sorrow Inside

All those tears inside me
That won't show
Some things that nobody can see
That's why they impossible could know

If I'm smiling that doesn't mean I'm okay
But that's what you assumed
The sharp blade that blow my mind away
My wrists are consumed

I feel like crying, but my eyes stay dry
I just need something flow
There's so much sorrow inside of me that I can't deny
And therefore my blood running slow

My blood is my tears
My scars are memories from my past
There is so much more than it appears
And the memories will last

Not an angel

I'm not an angel, no matter what you say,
'cause angels ain't that pathetic.
I'm selfish and wants to leave this place someday,
I'm only synthetic.

Maybe I look like someone from above,
but then you've got the sun in your eyes.
Would I still have your love,
if you knew I'm just someone in disguise.

The real me is not good at all,
she's just someone hiding.
She's a coward and feel so small,
whom is not abiding.

Will you take me by the hand in front of everyone,
and show them who I am?
Will you help me to not run,
say you love me in front of them?

Breaking inside

I've made some mistakes,
in this life of mine.
And the price that aches,
is that I don't feel fine.

It's easy to say,
and so easy to fake.
That I'm okay,
while I'm so close to break.

So close to fall apart,
and just bleed in the grass.
'Cause the dying heart,
will fight to the last.

The last breath,
that will take away all my sufferings.
That will be my death,
when someone will rip out my wings.

dammit

I thought it would be easy,
not hard at all.
To have someone close to you,
that could catch you when you fall.
I thought it would be light for every single moment,
and that we would both know.
But there is so much unspoken standing in the way,
and I'm much more lonely then I've ever been also.
I pushed some friends away,
and chose to trust in him instead.
But now I'm all alone,
even though I'm surrounded by alot of people I'm mislead.

And when you used to be you,
and no one else.
I never felt like this,
but now you're someone new.

You would see through,
my fake smile and just listen.
But now you're not the one you used to be,
and whoever you are now, you're defenetly not you.

Just some stupied words

I feel foolish,
And every second without you is like a hundred years.
When I'm with you,
The time goes by too fast.
When you hold my hand,
Or when you kiss me.
When you hold me,
Or when you say you love me,
I wish that feeling could stay forever.
Because you make me feel good.

Something I've gotta say, but please don't listen at me

You used to be the one,
I'd say everything to.
But this time I chose to run,
instead of telling you.

I'm sorry that I did such a damn thing,
but it's too late to turn back now.
These memories sting,
when I remember how.

How you used to understand,
but now I don't know you anymore.
You used to take my hand,
but I chose to shut my door.

You've changed into something alike me.
but I'd rather see my best friend.
I don't want you to be,
a part of that stupied trend.

Don't follow me

It's so damn hard,
and you're not the one you used to be.
though I've also changed,
I don't want you to turn into me.

I pushed you away,
so you wouldn't follow my mistakes.
I tried to make it alone,
but just got heartaches.

You have no idea,
'cause I didn't show you.
The consequences of the way I feel,
has changed shape too.

From innocent tears running from my eyes,
to little marks that'll never go away.
They would break my mothers heart,
if she'd see them someday.

And you would all be disappointed,
to know it all.
It's so damn easy to talk,
when you haven't got own memories to recall.

You wouldn't know what I'm going through,
you wouldn't understand.
'Cause the only way to do it to feel it yourself,
and I don't want this to expand.

Help me, I'm drowning

It hurts everytime I hear the disappointment in your voice,
Your silence makes me deaf, makes my head blow.
I'll have to make this choise,
I love you and for you I'd like to let it go.

So then you won't be sad for me,
'cause I am no one to cry for.
For you I could change who I chose to be,
but please understand that I'm soar.

Maybe it'll be hard to quit,
maybe I'll need someone to understand.
For you I'll try to do it,
but will you stand beside and hold my hand?

So fucking afraid and so damn messed up

It all feels like you don't care anymore,
that I was just a test.
That you don't love me like you did before,
that you're unimpressed.

You used to think of me like someone else I guess,
and got disappointed when you learned to know me.
You didn't know I was this mess,
maybe I'm not the one you thought I'd be.

It feels like I've lost a lot more then I've won,
I never should have given my heart away.
It's harder to carry on,
Since I'm so afraid you'd betray.

Maybe there ain't no sense in this,
maybe I'm just too afraid.
I don't understand why'd you miss
me if I'd die of the blade.

To stay

It's just a way to get through,
It's just a way to stay alive.
It's a way to feel true,
It's a way to survive.

Scars is a way to say,
that it's something I'm going through.
It's a way to pay,
'cause I'm so damn untrue.

Yeah, I hate myself, so what?
It's not like I'm someone to care for.
I've got reasons to cut,
I can't take it no more.

Please don't come near.
just walk away.
'Cause if you need me here,
I'd have a reason to stay.

Where I lies

You were the one I trusted in,
you were the one to care.
You were like a secret twin,
you swore you'd always be there.

But after that day I changed,
it felt like you stopped caring.
You're so damn estranged,
I feel the pain that I'm baring.

Since you used to be there,
and life some of it.
You've left me in my despair,
and I'll continue to slit.

I thought I would be alright,
so many people surrounding me.
They tell me they love me, but I'm full of fright,
they are too blind to see

All the time they've known,
they say that they are with me.
But I feel damn alone,
more then ever I agree.

I bury myself inside,
no one can reach me where I lies.
It's not like no one tried,
I guess I just don't want anyone to see me without my disguise.

A little razor

One little blade,
so innocent and small
Little scars it has made,
could make you fall

But not to be underestimated,
ruling over life and blood
So many scars has been created,
so many minds has flood

To take the pain away
With a different feeling
It feels like a fair price to pay
Breaths it's stealing

I'm sorry but I have to say

yeah, you're damn good,
but you couldn't see.
Everybody misunderstood,
what was wrong with me.

You could always see through me,
but I guess it went on for too long.
I'm surprised you really can't see,
that something's damn wrong.

This place I'm supposed to call home,
is swallowing me alive.
Maybe it looks like a dome,
but it's damn hard to survive.

The reason for why I don't want to live,
lies in this truth.
I'm sorry, I know you're trying to give,
me the best part of my youth.

I'm sorry for hurting you,
that's why you'll never read this song.
I'll continue to go through,
I'll pretend to get along.