Inside we're Breaking

We're all so damn full of pride
Can't show yourself weak
Stone on the outside
Don't care about critique

Crying inside
Laughing when you're in sight
You're rarely open wide
You're not alright

And you never take a minute
Just to feel
Deep down in your root
You'd feel that this pain is real

To Hide

And I hide inside my mind
I'm safer, it's not as hard to get hurt
Cruel is what you say about mankind
And it won't convert

Better off alone
Where no one can reach me
No one saw me when I shone
Now I'm nothing to see

I'm an odd flower
Withered and dead
Without any power
With my body coloured red

Red is the colour of love
Then blood must be the broken hearts scent
And thereof
That's what I represent

And your words can cut my wrists
You can cut me through
Your looks are like a thousand fists
But I still love you

And when you give away your heart
When you let someone in
You give them the ability to tear you apart
Trust them not to, but you will never win

So just hide behind those walls
That I built up for years
They will watch it when it falls
And then the vulnerable me appears

And I give you a paper full of drawed hearts
Took me an hour to draw
But only a second for you to throw it in the trashes

dying

And I'm sitting there
With mascara tears down to my chin
No one see me in my dispair
It's like I'm invisible, about to lose it

Maybe no one wants to see
Not even my best friends said anything
And the tears are taking over me
The blade sting

And I flee to the bathroom
My hands are shaking, my hands are pounding
And I smell my blood perfume
As I carve in my arm my blood's abounding

My head is turning dizzy
For of the strong scent
My head's busy
But now it's heavy as cement

A bottle with an orange warning text
"Don't breathe in the fumes"
And what is about to happen next
I'll be lying on the floor in one of the bathrooms

Addiction has made us die
Brought strong people into death
I never understood why
Someone would kill their breath

Now I know
How you can hurt yourself
We can't live through this show
And I just can't live with myself

So I will die of vomiting
Or maybe cutting or the poisons
I'm splitting my skin with my sharp little thing
And destroying my body with tons

alone

and I knew it all along
they never tried to hide it
according to them im damn wrong
and the crowd permit

but this is just when
I start slitting
my mind spin
in this world Im not fitting

and the little red marks
they itch all the time
and they tell the world what I think of all the remarks
dont want to know what I'm

just leave me alone
I would say
but the truth is that I cant take it on my own
I know that I wouldnt stay

Misunderstood

Misunderstood
Misled
All the things I should
I'm living dead

Mistaken
For a rose
A playground foresaken
I took the heavy doze

Misunderstood
Misled
Die, I wish I could
You coloured me red

screw this

It hurts me so much
And I'm too tired to see
I close my eyes
And I hope you'll set me free

Instead of have me hanging
When you don't really care
I begged you to end it instead of hurting me
But I guess you didn't dare

But now be honest
Let's come clean
You never loved me
I'm obscene

I know you never loved me
What is there in me to love?
I only find myself annoying
And someone you'll get sick of

I'm not the one I seem to be
I'm whiny and depressive
I'm just a mistake
I'd turn you aggressive

I don't know what my purpose is
Could it be to spread sorrow and doubt?
No one will ever love me for the one I am
I just want to shout

a self-destructive path

I became self-destructive
Losing myself in the sin
And the only way I'm productive
Is when I split up my skin

And the reasons are killing me
I panic inside
The first time I did it to feel free
But now I'm stuck and I've died

I am looking in the mirror
And I see all the things I hate
And my mind is becoming clearer
When did I gain so much weight?

And doing these things, destroying my body
Crying myself to sleep
All this blood I disembody
When I cut down too deep

She's falling

And so she's sitting in her bed
With her chin on her knees
Closing her eyes, going through her head
Trying to deny this damn disease

Her whole body full of straight little lines
Which she's doing everything to hide
And the reasons are loads of different kinds
It's just her thoughts shape on the outside

Happy is the first impression
She's become a pro to lie
She can't get rid of this obsession
Can't remember how it started, she can't remember why

She can't be her own protection
She can't beat herself alone
It's like a brain-infection
She can't survive it on her own

Her body is shivering and her mind's full of dread
She can't stop feeling so damn small
All the times her body coloured red
All those thoughts lead to her fall.

Lust

She is drinking your blood right from your skin
Look at those eyes, dangerous but oh so fine
She's dragging you into her sin
And you get to taste the divine

As your kissing her bloody lips
You feel your soul turning darker, your eyes turning black
And you're experiencing mental trips
You are losing yourself, there's no turning back

And she was there to seduce you
To help you drown in your own mind
And now you're moving closer that you never were true
She stole your life and you were blind

This is why they call her unreliable
She'll dig your grave
But she's undeniable
Still she's all that you crave

Dying

I opened your eyes
I never told you no lies
I gave you my heart
But you just torned it apart

I bled my part
I spoke my words
I did impart
I flew with the birds

And I crushed in my head
Exploaded and I bled
I turned against myself to flee
But I found it killing me

don't break

You helped me to stay
You gave me a reason
Promised you'd never betray
You made me live another season

And you made me alright
You made me whole
You gave me something bright
And saved my damaged soul

And then one day you weren't the same
You weren't okay
I couldn't see that burning flame
And I tried, but couldn't save your day

You gave me your love
You borrowed me your wings
But when you needed me to take you above
I didn't pull the right strings

I don't know how to help you
If you don't let me in
And it kills me to see you go through
When you're breaking within

.~.~.~.~.

I'm holding my breath
I'm closing my eyes
This is love's death
No one can hear my cries

I'm lying in my bed
The world is silent
Can't get this out of my head
These thoughts turning violent

Walking alone
With my arms burning red
Tears has flown
I have bled

Nothing I treasure is fun anymore
I don't eat, don't sleep
It will never be as before
I'm drowning in myself, the shallow's deep

Condemnd

I know I'm the disappointment of this year
And I'm not good enough
I'm not as innocent as my tear
And I'm not at all tough

With my whole body red
For experimentation and curiosity
And no matter how much I bled
I couldn't show my generosity

For you where the one I would care about
I were supposed to hold you when you were blue
But both of us had to make it without
The warmth from someone we knew

How do I even know you'd care for my death
I'm heading wrong
And you're the one who's stealing my breath
How the hell am I supposed to get along

'Cause without my sweetest friend
The sharpest little blade
The one that could be my end
But it's also the one gettng me through alive this damn parade

I'm the disappointment of all the years
For you, for them
I can't stand for you to see my tears
I'm the one you condemn

this is what a life can turn up to

It's all inside my head
I'm so damn wrecked
I balance on a thread
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Can't stand my head imagining
All those people staring at me
Laughing, whispering
I'm not good enough, anybody can see

I don't have the energy to feel inadequated
Like I'm so much lower then anybody else around
All I want is my mind to be sedated
I'll make my own sound

When someone past by
All I can see is that they are so much better then me
And no matter how hard I try
I end up thinking what I can't be

And when I look in the mirror
I see all the things I hate
And the edge, I'm moving nearer
I care too much about my weight

And then I'm standing there
Look in the mirror, my hands shaking
Everything's wrong, my clothes, my hair
And I'm breaking

Rummage my bag for something
Something to make it go away
I feel that tiny sting
Next second my mind sway

I'm losing consciousness
And it feels damn good
The power the blade possess
Understand, no one could

And it's running down
Slowly making it's way
I feel high, in my mind I drown
And I betray

I betray the ones who trusted in me
The ones who care
'Cause they see so much more then I see
And I hurt them in my dispair

stupied words

Why don't you just rip my heart out?
And save me all of my sufferings.
I'd rather live without,
All those damn things.

Why can't you just end it,
to prevent breaking my heart?
You don't really like me anyway, you must admit,
I don't want to waste my blood on someone who don't want to impart.

And now I'm crying blood, the same old way,
for something that doesn't even matter for you.
And it's pathetic that I just can't say,
all these things on my mind too.

And these things on my wrist,
some of them are caused by you.
I'm lost in the mist,
and I've got no one to turn to.

A disease

Looking down in the toilet
My reflection looking back at me
A tear running down my cheek
This is what I don't want to be
Looking in the mirror
While brushing my teeth
To wash away the proof
This is what I am underneath

Lying in my bed
Feel those thoughts coming back
Just so damn disgusted by myself
My mind is stained black
'Cause I'll never be pretty enough
Funny or so smart
If I'm thin I'm good at something
More thoughts ain't something I'll impart

I'll never be good enough
Not for you, not for anyone
I'm not pretty, I'm not tough
And all these things I've done
Somethings that's been hurting me
And they've made some scars
Some in my soul and some that you can see
And when it's time I wanna die under the stars

Untitled

I'm falling apart
My head's spinning around
My heart's bursting
I'm lying on the ground
I'm all damn alone
I'm dying inside
I can't stand to feel
And no one's on my side

All the things I did
to forget the pain inside
Hurting myself just
to get on with time

~*~*~
I can't stand to live like this
I don't want to breathe no more
Thinking of everything I regret
All the things that made me soar
~*~*~

I'm smiling
Trying to seem okay
Inside I'm crying
Can't stand another day
You don't want to know
What's behind this shell
All the things I've done
To get through another living hell

Lying to the truth itself
Just to keep on living
Laughing on the outside
Drowning on the inside

~*~*~
I can't stand to live like this
I don't want to breathe no more
Thinking of everything I regret
All the things that made me soar
~*~*~

What happened back then

Do you even know
Those bad memories I've had
It's nothing I'd show
It makes me feel bad

Maybe it was my fault anyway
I did chat for fun
It's what they'd always say
I wish it was just never done

The fear within
Comes up sometimes
I can feel it begin
It's not one of the worst crimes

He didn't rape me
Maybe just my mind
I never told anyone, maybe they'd disagree
I don't want anyone to remind

I don't want to think of it
'Cause sometimes I forget
I'd just rather don't admit
Anything about that threat

Something damn

I used to be a part of it
But you cut me out with a knife
With the silence you submit
I used to be an important part of your life

I want to be there to help you
I want to know what's wrong
I want to guide you through
And help you stand strong

But you won't even let me know
What the hell is going on
It makes me numb also
To know I can't help you to not withdrawn