Breaking into two

How did it feel to
Be shut out from the game
Drenched down in guilt
You wear all their blame
Since long ago
You'd be hidden in a crowd
You barely say a word but
Your inside is screaming loud
Aching your head
Echoes vibrates through your frame
We're just blood and flesh
We're all just the same
So why aren't you?
Exploding
You'll be screaming, you too
Please find a shelter!

I'm imploding

Shut out

The frustration
In failing to reach someone
Who's sitting next to you
Who's breathing your presence

Still you know you cannot fix them
Cannot write scars undone
Neither read their mind
But his choice to shut you out
Is driving you mad

You're not the type who looks back
What do you want to tell me?
With your footsteps,
so determined
So disregarding me

Cracks

I'm all torn up by my ways
To conquer smiles everyday
Settle my insanity
Truly return to be okay
But how am I to work this
Out and inside
My worn out facade
Makes it
complicated to take the stride

Disrespected for long
And selfdestructive always
"You're not alone"
Tired of the fucking phrase
I've been good all the time
Put to rotten somewhere
How are you to tell me
That you know what it's like
That it's goddamn unfair?

How to look on time
Does it really matter to me?
If I remember yesterday
Broken in what degree?
What makes today different
Or is the question how?
Always or never
Whatever I feel like?
Whatever I allow

Separated

As like dancing on the thorns of the rose
Life's breaths unwinds us all
The beams of sunny anger finds us
Makes us feel so small
Thoughts nor feelings are kept safe
Alone, would you deal?
Regarding, dancing deep in one's eye
Can you tell me what they feel?

My mind is bursting out in panic
Paranoia and fear makes me blind
Buried deep inside my head
Your attempts to reach me were declined
Fingers longing for my thoughts
Nails seeking along my forehead
My dialogue kept with myself
I, who don't, but want to see me dead

Another smile is crawling on the thorns
Mist and sunbeams covering
The truth of a smile's despair
The one you're not discovering

Battle

Tension grows stronger by every breath
Like my body calls for saving
Comprehension is shrinking
Of the world that is craving

Insane my head calls loud
The inner battle with the foe
Retained inside of me
A view from long ago

Now it's time to stand tall and strong
Rescue is only available from me
Allow myself to let the weakness show
Instead of being a detainee

Growing, hurting, biting through every step
Illness conquers mind and soul
Flowing through my actions
It's time to grow myself whole

Childhood Claiming

With poison they'd capture my emotions
The part of me restraint
Keeps pounding, calling inside of me
Forgotten for long
Belongs in the past
Instead of taking orders
It's time to let go
Past belongs in past
I belong now

Heartbeats

I close my eyes to listen carefully
I can hear your heartbeats through your breast
The strength you're holding
You got me so impressed
To still stand tall in windy days
Dare to do the hardest
To face yourself and your weaknesses
All the things you've suppressed
I could regard you for hours
Feeling the warmth from your smile
And I precious every moment
Spent with you for awhile
But still I precious loneliness
To breathe and be on my own
I'm free from addiction
I've been taught to cherish to be alone
Alot of times I think of you
Like you're stuck in my head
Enjoying memories
Reflectioning on ideas and things you've said

Dare to Feel

When teared down again
Backlash mistaken for relapse
Tears streaming down when
You totally collapse
Tembling on the bathroom floor
No matter how hard you are trying
You act like did before
Cursing yourself for relying
The humanity is rushing through your seal
For it's human to meet fears
Embrace your ability to feel
Realize and hail your tears

Tribute

As it comes sneaking over me
It's breaths to choke my sore moving
And I lay restless on the floor
Unable to lift a limb
Blurred sight goes sharper
Every heavy breath I take
Is a tribute to the sunrises
When smiles awoke
To kill our panic
Just for awhile we could endure
With the knowledge of a saviour at dawn
My breaths are a salute to the world
That'd show me it's beauty sometimes
To happiness
That'll overwhelm me every single time
For I'd let it

Speaking of Fury

Craze me more than I've already been
Thy who could reach my point of view?
Amaze me, sky, scene your beauty
The final smile to us review

Thee speaks of famous poetry
As the wind speaks of poets' despair
Free am I as I've decided
Only courage and truth will I wear

Face every day with unswayed eyes
Dare to see the good and bad
Embrace improvements with your whole
Let trouble not drive you mad

Hon ler
Men vandaliserar ett rum i sitt huvud
All ilska och all ångest
Ilskan för ångesten
Och ångesten för ilskan
För trött trött trött
För att skrika
Kroppen lägger ner
Den orkar inte stå just nu
Lydia ligg ner
Ligg ner
Ligg ner för fan
Nej
jag kan inte
Jag måste vinna tillbaka mitt liv

Rain

Empty bowls
Your assignment to fill them
And when I poured blood and gravel in mine
Others found more creative ways and contents

Sometimes one wish themselves right
What would only make them more wrong
I've tried to improve
But ended up being me in the end again

And salt is raining down on me
Stinging my scars
For memories coming alive
To terrify me

Fool me back to old habits
Cheat me into new mistakes
When you cannot shut your ears nor eyes
You have to keep in control

Karuseller

Neddragen i min lya av skit igen
Jag gömmer mig under skrivbordet
Det otrygga skalet
Jag hör msn låta ovanför mig
Folk som försöker kontakta mig
Och om jag kunde ställa mig upp och logga ut
Men det finns för mycket hotande skuggor i ljuset
För lampan är tänd
Ett artificiellt ljus
Som ett fejkat leende
Vill det bränna mitt ansikte
Sticka mina ögon
Och jag andas in frånvaro
Från mitt förnuft och mig själv
Samma distans jag andas ut
Rummet vill snurra
Det vill leka med mig
Som karuseller, men jag blir yr
Jag måste ta kontrollen
Kasta mig ut naken i snön
Utan mask eller filter
Om jag bara kunde ställa mig upp
Men pulvriserade lårben gör ont att stå på
Knäckta vader gör ont att gå på

Naivety

Green eyes watch the scene of lies
Where to rely, where to trust
Stabbed in the back
Blind and naive eyes stare out in confusion

To forgive and forget
Or to walk away
My head is spinning me nausious
Please don't betray

I want to scream my lungs sore
Until my voice fades into a whisper
Scream for myself, scream alone
There's no one else to scream for

Vision

As the new day begins
I've been awake for too long
Watching the ritual
Without a sunrise
No pouring salt
In my eyes nor my soul
Just darkness
And the colour of nothingness
So I rise on my legs
Again I'll stand on them
While they're ready to break
Into two pieces
Again I'll walk on them
Question myself why
When it's so heavy, why?
Because it only matters to try

Again I'll smile
With only my lips
Blind people wouldn't notice
Because you cannot see with eyes
You have to observe with your whole
Your mind and your soul
To see through an opinion of fright
And the tears hiding behind
But it's so much easier
When you don't have to care
About the ones breaking down
Being swallowed by themselves
It's so much easier
To blame on your eyes
And the lack of your knowledge
When your helplessness really mattered

some lines

Strings attached to me
Stung through my skin
To tear me in different directions
To rise the ache within

And today it's too heavy
Way too heavy to manage
The shadows inside of me
Has got a scary advantage

I'll rise again
I'll come through whole
Even though it's broken
I shall try and fix this fucking hole

Old friendship

Old friend, we who lost touch
You still know me
For even if I changed
I still know how I don't want to be
And you're aware
That I'm still the same girl
Still the broken girl
Crying on the floor
Screaming silently
For someone to come save me
The nightmares during the day
Shadows in the sun
How can someone save me?
Still I smile, still it hurts
And I still can't sleep at night
I take the moments I get
To be vulnerable and honest
To lay bare for anyone to read
The moments when I'm alone
I'd let you see me

Unawareness

What came to conquer the year of happiness
Back when I felt and smiled and read
I want to walk through my own memories
And see them live again all around me
Feel their scent through my senses
That didn't smell a rose for years
Hear their laughs echo through my shell
That's still not empty, but still so cold
Like they stabbed it raw with 100 knives
Sliced through the flesh of innocence
To leave it to rot in it's own despair
As it desperately watches time fly away
And I can see how the world turns
The changes and sacrifices that is easily forgotten
Lost in the past and swallowed with dread
The regretting mind lets it sleep peacefully
To hope it'll never wake to awareness again
Hoping to not be tortured by oneself
Not in the past nor the future
But every act has got consequences haunting you
You'll meet them one day
And they will burn your face with revenge

Loneliness

As if there's ice expanding in my head
How could I make these decisions
When my skull is about to explode
Who could ever hold these untrue visions?

And dare to still breathe alone
Dare to sleep at all
I'm not sure I can trust myself
It's so hard to stand tall

When everyone's kicking you down again
And when your legs are shattered
Is there someone trustful enough to rely on?
Who'd show how much you really mattered

Even though your lack of smiles
They still found you beautiful and strong
For when your world's upside down
There'll always be a place for you to belong

But will you dare to take their hand?
To walk with support and care
Disease them with your sickness
Is that really fair?

What if you'd break the only ones
That would still try to reach out to you
Would this make you more alone?
More or less unable to get through?

Would it really matter
To tear the skies apart
Would it make you better
To stab your own fucking heart

Dear World

World, overwhelm me
Throb your music through my body
Let your rhythm pound inside of me
And let your beauty move me
Reach to hidden spots inside of me
Awake feelings I never felt before