Bleeding Monsoon

I went away to hide again
And this time the leaves were crying
Claimed me for my sacrifice
Teardrops like razors dyed me red
Stained my mind with guilt
Pained me with myself
The truth of failure
And the one I've become

Nightmares

The darkness falls so soon
A few bright hours every day
Some precious hours
The ones I sleep away
Because they wouldn't leave me
Leave my head
When I'm so fucking tired
They whisper about the dead
Why I should join them
In a hole in time
Sedated in serenity
Forever stand in prime
I cannot sleep
They've infected my mind
How would the ones around me react
Would I be left behind?
In fright and confusion
With lack of knowledge and braveness
Maybe they'd walk away
And I'd be left alone with my nightmares I guess

It's breaking me

The sixth of December
It's snowing in my mind
They're screaming inside of me
I'm out of reach for mankind

Breathing feels unrealistically heavy
Like it used to do before
But it really doesn't matter to the world
So I keep going, I try to ignore

Whatever is swallowing me
That made me this frail
There are no exceptions nor sympathy
To whom it doesn't matter when I fail

To walk or breathe or wake up
I got that it's not her aggression
But still breaking me
Still all the things to be my repression
And it's breaking me

Cancer

Cancer
Eating my mind
Eating my head
Feasting on me

The pills will sedate me
Make me go on
Taking away my shadows

I'll be your drug
Sweet and Addictive
You'll be my redemption

I'm filled with coldness
Frozen in deep
Taking away my emotions

Laying in darkness
Laying in sin
In the corner of the world
Where the nobodies live

I'll be your coffee
Bitter and dark
You'll be my refrain

Hard to get up
Hard to get out
Heavy to breathe
I think I'm breaking inside

Old times

The time of the sunrises
And I was amazed
Went through an important lesson,
Or was that just time to waste?
The best time of his life
And I tore it apart
Love sheds tears in teacups
To drown the heart
And I'm sorry I'm sorry
I cannot live a lie
Been there, done that
I cannot deny

Absence

I laugh and I smile
Absent from reality
What am I doing?
Freedom fills me with joy
And I don't ever want to leave
These fake emotions behind

They call my name
And I can hear them at a distance
It just doesn't matter right now
Because I'm walking in the world
The world you put me in
I'm walking in myself and I don't feel

For the hurt is downbeat
And my body's so heavy
My mind is so heavy
To not think I'll put up with this
Every breath to be strained
But I don't have to think

Black Sky

It crubmles me to be
The sunlight is far away
But I'm still able to observe it
See the beauty in everyday
Which can be tough
When I'm watching the other side
The starless view of the sky
How could this subside?
But still there's a beauty in raggedness
In broken skies oh black
I didn't give in
I yet didn't turn my back
Sigh with me and the stars
With their laments
About the crashed emotions
This unwanted event
I'm living in

Whole

And as I walk on every day
Step by step by step
One step at the time they tell me
I'm taking my steps carefully
To not stumble through my dreams
Right through to my nightmares
A diffuse line to me it seems
The cold, the dark, the hurt
They all try to bring me down
Where I walk alone
Their comforting embraces are far away
To keep me on my track
I need to find stability inside myself
The strenght to dare to breathe
A strenght to dare to play
For life's a cruel game to me
I try to find my comfort
The knowledge that I'll be whole again
Someday, I'll be whole again

Despise

And they whisper about me
Looks burning my back
About the absence in my eyes
What got me on the wrong track?

For there's lots of questions
I don't have any answers for you
Lights are blinding me
Shining me through

To reveal my broken bones
Torn by desire
Everything they want from me
And everything they require

Froze the inside of me
I feel so cold
Lost something precious to me
A smile made of gold

Choked on my tounge
That has spoken so many lies
Eyes whisper truth to me
How they watch me with despise

Solens strålar värmer min hud
Men når inte till djupet av mig
En frusen vrå av mörker
Försvunnen i förtvivlan
Det är tungt att andas
Något så simpelt verkar så svårt för mig
Något så självklart
Det ni gör varje dag
Kämpar jag med om och om igen

I'm Not A Text

I try to be hard
Stand there independent and strong
But when I try to figure myself out
I always end up wrong
Like torn out pages
And words diffuse and pale
I cannot read myself
Maybe stuck on a wrong trail
And my hunger for living
To crash through this fragile wall
That keeps me in this daily ration
Of hurt and pain and all
Still it's a comfort
When it hides me from the herd
The pressure and the raw surface
That used to get me burned
My head is screaming loud at me
Like my skull's ready to explode
And what on earth made me like this
Put me in this unstable mode

Not Enough

The sun can touch my face
Warm my skin
But the feelings remain
'Cause I'm still so fucking frozen within

I seem so damn okay in your eyes
But inside I'm torn
Humanity is easy to fool
With all the smiles I've worn

When I let myself rest
Tore down this disguise
Tears wouldn't stop and I weren't alone
A new time would rise

It's my fault 'cause I turned my back towards the world
I chose to close myself completely
I have to do things better, give it more effort
And it's swallowing me discreetly

How can I be enough in your eyes?
Will I ever succeed?
For you I'm waking up, I'm walking
I put so much effort just to breathe

Moonlit sky

I try to keep the surface strong
So steady and unbreakable as it can get
For when I once did let it go
This is just something I regret
But without the stars surrounding me
I wouldn't find the strength or will
To wake up every day
For the darkness is stronger still
The moon lits the sky in shades of blue
This is where I feel somewhat free
Where I can find my comfort
Where I can just breathe and be

Hear me

Heads hang low
My smiles tire me out
I can't deal with all of this
The expectations and my own doubt

Everybody seem to want things from me
The days are so fucking long
What do I want myself?
And I tend to do them wrong

When no one can see through me
And the faces I wear
They all listen
But no one seems to hear

Complainment song hidden in my voice
Broken wings cannot fly
When they cannot reach me
Where can I rely?

Despair

Eyes nailed to my back
But there's no contact at all
They put out a distance
Like I'm contagious
I'm trying to stand tall
But the sounds are damn persistence

To haunt me down forever
Never rest, never calm
They scream in my head
Am I just insane
When my mind is playing with me
Nothing I ever said

I never shared my darkest moments
Never wanted to drag them down
When it all breaks through
I scare them when I'm out of reach
Crowned in despair
Who really knew?

Buried

Water cannot wash away my sins
But it only makes them sting me
Reminds me of the cold I felt
That came over me again
So deep down was I
Drowning in the soil above me
And you keep pushing down more
Like you're trying to bury me

Relinquish

There's dust in my mind
Whenever I try to remember the past
There's mist replacing time
But the feelings will outlast
Sunk deep within myself
All the time it cost
And if you don't play, you cannot win
I played, we lost
How to crawl up again
To rise above the skyline
Take back what I lost
The things that used to be mine
Regain the control of my thoughts
And master my emotions
To reach inside of me
Give myself devotion
Listen to my own will
And live for it as far as I can go
To breathe for myself
Accept everything I know
This will not last forever
I shall not join the deceased
One day I'll conquer
One day I'll be released

Smile With The Morning

Chains in my legs to prevent me from going my own way
They're all dragging me down
Forcing me in their direction
Why is everyone pushing me around?
To make them all feel better
We sacrifice my will
And they put up these expectations
That I could never fulfill
For what if I won't get better?
The thought struck me from time to time
Forever tortured in the rain of fire
Haunted in the same prime
The golden morningsun came smiling jeerfully
It's breaking me over and over again
That I cannot smile with the rest of the world
Something so plain
Seems so out of reach for me

Breaking Down

Poison imagination throbs through my mind
Forever, they are whispering in my ear
If I created them, then why can't I remove them?
Like water, just to wash away the austere
Tire broke into my body
But they are jeering me with laughter
And now I feel so alone again
Who could find me in my head thereafter?
A complicated being will never be able to deal
With themselves and in what they drown
Dreams when you're wide awake seems so real
They will make you break down

Punishment

As they cut my face with shreds of time
Because I couldn't catch up
After a long time running I sat down to rest
And I didn't rise again
So they punished me for not trying
Confusion got out of hand
And broken bones didn't matter
They cut my face with shreds of me
To bring new kind of tears to life
Streaming through my soul
Tormenting fire burns inside my mind
For I've been bad, for I have lied
Desperation turned to panic
But it still hurt too much to move
Painkillers cannot let me rest
They came to punish, you see