A new way

Another pathetic poem
Of the same damn complications
How many different sentances can I make
How many different formations
Out of the same dirt and soil
That I got stuck in
When will my poems form a solution
So I can begin again
Start on my new chapter
That I dream of so damn much
When will I be ready,
To live on without my pills as a crutch
As I can feel things that aren't there
My mind reaches a loaded state
Out of logic and sense and reality
And I just cannot think straight
Something captured me in this matter
How will it end?
Maybe when I change my ways
Or when I would stop to pretend
Embrace the problems in public
Stop pushing the truth away
Deal with myself
Not a single fake smile would show on my face
Let's rise this new day

Sleepless

Wide open eyes
I don't dare to close them
Time passes by slowly
And I don't dare to move
I cannot sleep

My head is full of darkness
Crawled inside an innocent mind
Screaming in my head
No one else can hear them
I'm insane and I cannot sleep

Heavy breaths she draws occasionally
Night is growing bigger, brighter, darker
But I'm still awake
And I am still afraid
An edge too damn steep

Broken thoughts turns into dust
I am still awake
The world is resting peacefully
Sunrise burns my eyes this time
Depression rooted pretty deep

Four-thirty, five-fifteen, eternity
Time is watching me
And anxiety can see right through me
Reading my every breath
And I still cannot sleep

Screams

Hands in my head
Reaching for my thoughts
'Cause they wouldn't dare me my privacy
I only faced ignorance
Wherever I went

And every word I spoke
Was gently taken care of
They put my sentences in a folder
Along with my emotions
They wouldn't spare me my mind

But the heartbeats couldn't tell
How painful it was
For I am normal
There's nothing wrong with me
Apparently I am okay

If my lungs would run out of air
Filled with soil instead
Thick dirt in my veins
Thick dirt running through my brain
And a buried mind somewhere