Absence

I laugh and I smile
Absent from reality
What am I doing?
Freedom fills me with joy
And I don't ever want to leave
These fake emotions behind

They call my name
And I can hear them at a distance
It just doesn't matter right now
Because I'm walking in the world
The world you put me in
I'm walking in myself and I don't feel

For the hurt is downbeat
And my body's so heavy
My mind is so heavy
To not think I'll put up with this
Every breath to be strained
But I don't have to think

Black Sky

It crubmles me to be
The sunlight is far away
But I'm still able to observe it
See the beauty in everyday
Which can be tough
When I'm watching the other side
The starless view of the sky
How could this subside?
But still there's a beauty in raggedness
In broken skies oh black
I didn't give in
I yet didn't turn my back
Sigh with me and the stars
With their laments
About the crashed emotions
This unwanted event
I'm living in

Whole

And as I walk on every day
Step by step by step
One step at the time they tell me
I'm taking my steps carefully
To not stumble through my dreams
Right through to my nightmares
A diffuse line to me it seems
The cold, the dark, the hurt
They all try to bring me down
Where I walk alone
Their comforting embraces are far away
To keep me on my track
I need to find stability inside myself
The strenght to dare to breathe
A strenght to dare to play
For life's a cruel game to me
I try to find my comfort
The knowledge that I'll be whole again
Someday, I'll be whole again

Despise

And they whisper about me
Looks burning my back
About the absence in my eyes
What got me on the wrong track?

For there's lots of questions
I don't have any answers for you
Lights are blinding me
Shining me through

To reveal my broken bones
Torn by desire
Everything they want from me
And everything they require

Froze the inside of me
I feel so cold
Lost something precious to me
A smile made of gold

Choked on my tounge
That has spoken so many lies
Eyes whisper truth to me
How they watch me with despise

Solens strålar värmer min hud
Men når inte till djupet av mig
En frusen vrå av mörker
Försvunnen i förtvivlan
Det är tungt att andas
Något så simpelt verkar så svårt för mig
Något så självklart
Det ni gör varje dag
Kämpar jag med om och om igen

I'm Not A Text

I try to be hard
Stand there independent and strong
But when I try to figure myself out
I always end up wrong
Like torn out pages
And words diffuse and pale
I cannot read myself
Maybe stuck on a wrong trail
And my hunger for living
To crash through this fragile wall
That keeps me in this daily ration
Of hurt and pain and all
Still it's a comfort
When it hides me from the herd
The pressure and the raw surface
That used to get me burned
My head is screaming loud at me
Like my skull's ready to explode
And what on earth made me like this
Put me in this unstable mode

Not Enough

The sun can touch my face
Warm my skin
But the feelings remain
'Cause I'm still so fucking frozen within

I seem so damn okay in your eyes
But inside I'm torn
Humanity is easy to fool
With all the smiles I've worn

When I let myself rest
Tore down this disguise
Tears wouldn't stop and I weren't alone
A new time would rise

It's my fault 'cause I turned my back towards the world
I chose to close myself completely
I have to do things better, give it more effort
And it's swallowing me discreetly

How can I be enough in your eyes?
Will I ever succeed?
For you I'm waking up, I'm walking
I put so much effort just to breathe

Moonlit sky

I try to keep the surface strong
So steady and unbreakable as it can get
For when I once did let it go
This is just something I regret
But without the stars surrounding me
I wouldn't find the strength or will
To wake up every day
For the darkness is stronger still
The moon lits the sky in shades of blue
This is where I feel somewhat free
Where I can find my comfort
Where I can just breathe and be

Hear me

Heads hang low
My smiles tire me out
I can't deal with all of this
The expectations and my own doubt

Everybody seem to want things from me
The days are so fucking long
What do I want myself?
And I tend to do them wrong

When no one can see through me
And the faces I wear
They all listen
But no one seems to hear

Complainment song hidden in my voice
Broken wings cannot fly
When they cannot reach me
Where can I rely?

Despair

Eyes nailed to my back
But there's no contact at all
They put out a distance
Like I'm contagious
I'm trying to stand tall
But the sounds are damn persistence

To haunt me down forever
Never rest, never calm
They scream in my head
Am I just insane
When my mind is playing with me
Nothing I ever said

I never shared my darkest moments
Never wanted to drag them down
When it all breaks through
I scare them when I'm out of reach
Crowned in despair
Who really knew?

Buried

Water cannot wash away my sins
But it only makes them sting me
Reminds me of the cold I felt
That came over me again
So deep down was I
Drowning in the soil above me
And you keep pushing down more
Like you're trying to bury me