Shame

Once more I broke down beside you
You stayed indifferent
I sometimes wonder what you think
When you're ignoring the content
These times I feel insufficient
But still you chose me whole
With scars and smiles
The one without control
Staked through by beams of light
As if exposing me
That would make me rot inside
I'm ashamed to be
So weak and twisted
Destructive and frail
What is there in me to love?
When I always tend to fail
So why would you choose me
The broken and insane
If you don't want the bad side
If you don't want to know my pain

I'm not Here

So when I woke up today

With an extra layer of skin

Dried onto my knees

Another day would begin

And I still walk the same road

I'd still go the same way

Eyes shut but still wide open

It's just like any other day

To stay right among you

When I'm really not here

And even if you hold me

You won't get near

Like life's meant to be so grey

So cold and hollow?

I want to break loose

I don't want to follow

And I'm intoxicated

I still walk the same way

You can still see me

But I've gone away

Demons of Mine

I want now to be past already
The minutes are so cold
Deaf screams inside of me
Are keeping me on hold
And a ripe sun is staring through me
Hiding a darker sky
That keeps on punishing me
For every time I don't try

We level up excuses
We act like we've been taught
And maybe truth is pushing me
Towards my demons I never fought
It's a sin to forget
And they're well at reminding
Intimidating hours
They're pro at rewinding

I want now to be long gone
I want to shine
Long moments before being pulled back
In this burning cage of mine

... . . ... . . . ... . . .

I seem to loose myself again
I cannot think clear
I readjusted easily
When I had smiles so near
But back into darkness
Pushed right up on a road
That I had walked before
Whereon I'd erode
Acclimating back
Ain't that fucking gentle
Punishing myself again
Unsentimental
How to reach back
Back to sanity
Leaving behind
This inhumanity
Torture of mind
And torturing me whole
I'll have to wake up
I need control

Moving on

You're the bittersweet emotion
Drowning me in regret
Pushing me down again
You won't let me forget
When I discreetly try to climb higher
Trying to move ahead
A look from you control me
Such a smile I cannot shed
And when hugs become a procedure
All warmth erased
Smalltalk won't make any difference
When one has been replaced
Difficult to move on
When nailed stuck in the past
As if the time weren't that long
Like if no years has passed
No time has passed for me