Nothing

I found myself in the same corner
With the same poison in my head
Mumbling out my antidote into nothing
As if someone could save me then
But only nothing would whisper back to me
And I would counter with screams
Terrified of hearing someone
Who possess no voice
And if nothing can talk to me
Could nothing also rip me apart?
With no hands nor any claws
Could it break me with no weight?
And the nothing I feel in me sometimes
Is it harmful too?
But nothing must always be
Something
Mustn't it become something
The moment it inflicts me?
The moment it tells me
What it claims to be truth
And if it still ain't Something
I must be the fault

Campaign

It seems the air is still as thick
Like mud running down my throat
I keep on breathing, heavy and deep
Force a laugh to roll through my mouth
And a smile to infect my lips
To pretend I ain't the black sheep
So I swallow a hard lump of tears
And close my eyes as hard as I can
But the air keeps beating me
To prove my impureness
A cyclone rampaging inside my body
Remaining intact ain't no guarantee
Corroding underneath my skin
And crawling upon it
There's something pusing my shoulders down
Making my bones cut my flesh
And there's something in my room whirring
But I know no one's around
The mud get's thicker
And it's got a bitter, sickening taste
I hide my face from a non-existing danger
The fear of something that already invaded me
Something that was born in me
I'm the hazardous stranger
Left alone with the voice inside of me
Slithering through my limbs
Trying to figure out how I can amend
Yet I endure, like always
Trembling and hurting, I stay still
Waiting for it to end

Then

I sometimes fall back into something that used to be
That stopped being 'now' for a long time ago
When I stare for several minutes
With shiny, distant eyes, I stare at nothing
And the gray people around me would after some time
Like many other times
Try to talk to me by asking if I'm tired
And yes, I'm tired, but not physically
Is what I tend to reply

And sometimes I feel so lonely amongst the gray people
You know, those times I stare and remember
It's like I'd wish for someone to gaze though me
See beneath that face and those shiny eyes
But I guess that is something impossible
For someone human and uninfected and maybe even whole
Or maybe people are just tired of seeing
After such a long time, since there's been so much time
Since 'Then'

It's rather ironic though, those details from 'Then'
That 'Then' that ain't now and hasen't been for years
Like how I never cried, except that one time
And that I never had any words for what 'Then' was
I think I fled in my mind
But now I cannot flee anymore, and I don't want to
Behind that stare of mine, those heavy breaths
I'm torn, and I'm being tossed
And it hurts alot when I'm thrown into
A side of my inside

I yet did not overcome the torment
But sometimes I speak of it
And I almost never cry anymore
When I speak
Does that really mean
that I am strong?