Fucked Up

Why should I go on
When it pleases no one?
I can only disappoint
Things I cannot do undone

And I try to work hard
To give them alot
But to live is for now
All that I've got

And to breathe is hard
But I still do it for you
And I try every fucking day
Even if my smile always ain't that true

To go on everyday
And just to wake up in the morning
Is straining enough
My body gives me a warning

That I have to ignore
Just to live on
That's why I tend to break down
These voices that me descend upon

And they are collecting my blood
In a simple, paper cup
Draining my head
And I'm so damn fucked up

No Air

Is there a point in talking perfectly,
when you can't state your mind
Is there a point in remembering,
when I can't rewind
Is there a point in marching,
when they don't care
Is there a point in breathing,
when there's no air

Stars

My dreams are my stars
Keeping me alive, making me try
And stars are so much more beautiful
In a black midnight sky

When I'm surrounded by darkness
All these things that make me stay
In this fucking hell
The things that light up my day

Friends who'll always be there
And be by my side
Those who really care
That would greive if I died

That don't want more from me
Then to know that I breathe
Who'd help me stand strong
Who'd never me mislead

My friends are my angels
Brought down to this living hell
Worth to live for
Worth to get out from my shell

Only to see
The beauty in people who care
Unreplaceable
Makin' me feel whole
In the things I can't repair

Things to march on for
Things to breathe for
And I'll live until
They don't care anymore

Love's a Disease

Strike me in the face
Get him out from my head
I've wasted so much blood
The times I fled

Instead of fighting
Instead of speaking clear
True honesty, this is what we never had
And an intention to be sincere

Every day makes me more sure
That I don't miss you at all
What hits me is
That I still crawl

'Cause you were the only one
Who'd come after me
Who'd give a damn
When I'm down on my knees

And cannot breathe
It hurts like hell
The thoughts that overwhelm me
And I'm not doing well

Love hurts
And gets you down on your knees
Only to torture you
It's a goddamn disease

I'm locked up in myself
Try to stay shut and not let emotions drain
And now I've promised myself
That I will never love again

This Is My Explanation

I don't ever ask nobody to come after me
I try to go away instead
Who the hell would choose to die inside every fucking day?
To barely get up from bed
I don't claim nor try to break down
I try to do the best I can
I try to stay alive
I try to not depend or ruin
I try to survive
And I know that I manage to lose friends
They want so much more
No not only know that I breathe
And then they shut their door
I lost so many
Those who meant so much!
And I learned
That I can't expect a crutch
'Cause this is way out of control
This is being sick
I fucking need some goddamn pills
And this is not a fucking trick
I promise you
That you don't want to know
All what's inside my head
I try to not show
These emotions I cannot shed
And now I finally understand
That I'm fucking depressed
I don't have the will to live
All these things of what I'm obsessed
I'm sorry,
but I don't have so much to give
I'm sorry,
I don't ask you to forgive
And I don't expect you to.

Love Will Suck the Marrow Out of Your Bones

My unspoken words are choking me
And I can't stop thinking of you
And what's killing me is
The memories I still hang on to

Love is a sickness
But is there an antidote?
Anxiety takes over me
When all my cries are stuck in my throat

You don't give a damn anymore
How can you forget the times we shared?
The feelings still overwhelm me
When I think back at when you still cared

Like a bird without wings
But you still did set me free
But in the marrow of my bones
I still just want you to hold me

A Friend

This is my broken world
You cared enough to join me
In depression, in anxiety
You acceoted the one I chose to be

And I'm sorry if I hurt you
When I'm so insecure
When all I've got left to hang on to
Is an image, frail and unsure

A thousand apologizes ain't enough
That I can't make you okay
'Cause even if I don't want to
I tend to do things the wrong way
I really don't want to
But I tend to betray

And I kind of noticed
Even though I'm fed up in my mind
You care for me like no one ever did
No, I'm not blind

Evem though I close my eyes
When the truth appears
Trying to not get hurt
Still I end up in tears

Like a porcelain doll dropped on the floor
Broken and useless
Even though that graceless apperance
You saw me through my sadness
Drove me out from madness
Don't let me lose you again

A Waterdrop

Sweet tasting ashes is running down my throat
When the flames are finally out
and only left the ruins of me
With no voice left to shout
And kick and scream and fight
No, Nothing’s left inside of me
But sorrow, but pain
There’s nothing left to see
I used to be a flower
I used to be so good
Now I’m just a shadow
I feel so damn misunderstood
For the fire’s long over
And you’ve moved on
While I’m still licking my wounds
Since you’ve gone

A word can’t make a sentence
And a rose can’t be a garden on it’s own
Just like a waterdrop can’t be an ocean
I can’t make it alone

Doomed

I can feel it hurt inside
Like a knife cutting deep
Yeh, Love surely can kill us
Push us down an edge steep

Like a bullet through the temple
I try to forget about you
Manage to erase my life
But not the memories we went though

I thought only drugs came in pills
Injections and powder
But apparently love is worse
LOVE IS WORSE!
Scream it louder

I don't say I miss you
That's not a rule for this game
I'm supposed to forget
Who do we blame?

And love will break the most vulnerable
Strangle you in your dreams
Follow you through your good times
When you wake up in screams

You're doomed

Back Again

And I might seem okay
While it's just a new shell
To not get hurt again
I seem to be doing well
I'm like I used to be
Before I started to impart
But,
is this me?

And I might seem okay
I'm tough again
To not let anyone in
To not let anyone get too close
While I'm dying inside
And to not show,
This is they way I suppose

How many pills in a row?

And I guess this is the way
We need to start isolate
Or we'll get hurt again,
Or we'll break down again
Like a trial we await
And a mask is
what we need to create

No one will notice
They will think I am okay
While I'm going back to my old habits
For I have to pay
For being alive
For every step that I take
'Cause I want to survive
I don't want to break
And I have to fake
For all of my mistakes
And to not have to
Partake
In the truth

You've Been Killing Me

Let me whisper,
with a breth damn chill.
Let me prove to you,
that we're standing still.
Please don't forget,
the things you did erase.
Please don't leave these
things we can't replace.
admit it,
that you're so damn blue.
admit it,
this is something you never knew.
And tell me,
that there's still someone inside.
The one I used to know,
the one I used to love.
The one you put aside.
The one who died.
And let me show you,
that I still care.
I'm just trying to damp this,
I turn around in my despair.
And sleep with your face in my head,
with your smile in my mind,
and my eyes burning red.
Soar and frail, erased.
I tend to fail and,
my life is just a waste.
Let's break the rules,
let's break out.
To forget about the past,
you're the drug I can't live without.
This is pretty much what it's all about.
When you set me free,
I realized that your were simply,
killing me.

Human

Lost in the dephs of time
Lost in the dephs of a mind
And the human
Always forgets

Broken in a scent of truth
Broken in their ways to be blind
And the human
Never forgives

Calling out in desperation
Calling out for help
But the human
Has always been merciless
And full of cowardly

Seeking to find the perfect truth
To calm my storming mind
But all we can find
Is this greed
Growing like a seed
Inside of us

Trains

Do you remember the trains
They're running me over and over again
Blew out my brains
Driving me insane

You showed me the ruins
The left-overs you rejected
The joy you spoiled
The pieces you've collected

And the memories we created
That you forgot so well
Waiting for the end that was fated
Waiting for hell,
where I still dwell

And to hear the satisfaction in your voice
When I broke down
When you made your choise
When you chose to let me drown

Do you remember the trains
Won't leave me alive
Running me over once more
Won't let me survive

Rip Off Her Wings

You'd rather rip off her wings than watch her fly,
You'd rather isolate than deal with her when she cries.
You'd rahter let her break, burn up from inside,
You'd let her abide.

Just Can't Let It Go

Where did we go wrong?
When did we lose touch?
We used to belong
Now I'm not your crutch

How did we change?
When we used to love
Now me you estrange
You used to take me above

Out of this self-destructivity
Out of this fear
Got me in a productivity
Where I could be sincere

And what made me lose you?
What made us fall?
A new rutine to get into
With a newbuilt wall

I don't want to forget
How can you so easily?
Don't want to regret
I close my eyes heavily

And memories play before my eyes
Of how you used to smile
You could take me up to the skies
Even if you just held me for awhile

Black eyelids open up to this scene
And find reality
They hid a pair of eyes so damn green
With a lack of vitality

And it's my fault
But I blame it on you
Like a mental assault
The things you used to do

And how could I be stupied enough
To think that we'd make it
All we kept underneath, so rough
Now I submit

So damn easy to live in the past
The only thing we'd show
I guess that time has passed?
So damn hard to let go

Pills

Eight pills in my pocket
Discreet I count them in my hand
Sliding between my fingers
They run light as sand

How many in a row
Would get me rid of my anxiety
How many in a row
Would get me past this sobriety

And I'm choking
The cries are stuck in my throat
You've got no fucking idea what it feels like
To write your suicidenote

About to give up
About to give in
About to let go
What's crawling within

So damn insecure
And no one cares
You used to be there
I'm running out of prayers

So damn unsure
So damn frail
And no matter what I try to do
I always fail

So damn close to fall
And there's not many more hits I can take
Even if you didn't realize
There's so many times when you made me break

How many in a row
Lays ahead
How many pills in a row
Would make me dead?

Darkness Took Over Me

Darkness took over me
I didn't realize it when
I started breaking
I didn't realize it back then

Depression took over me
Made me fall apart
Couldn't stop it
I guess everything has a start

It got too far
I got worse
Was thrown into a life
I never got to rehearse

And it hurts in me to know
That it didn't have to be this way
I could've been happy
I could've been okay

I'm crying
For the life I didn't get to keep
The life I lost
Merories I've hidden deep

But could it really had gone another way?
Could I've had a real smile?
I think I've always been on this path
Moving closer to a trial

And my lips are shaking
I feel so damn small
In a huge world
No one noticed my sadness at all

I guess I've always been hiding
Something I thought was a part of life
That I carried everywhere
What made me play with the knife

Am I just tired?
Is that why I'm crying
Don't think so
I'm done with trying

To keep this surface up
To keep it inside
It would hurt others
If they knew why I hide

And goddammit I hate myself
For being so weak
So damn fragile
Happiness is what I seek

'Cause I started realizing
That everyone's not this way
With these thoughts all the time
Feeling a mental pain everyday

Underneath a shallow happiness
There's always a reason to cry
Always a will to break down
That I'm trying to deny

And I held it up for many years
Now I'm so damn tired
Haven't I been strong?
Isn't this something that should be admired?

I just can't care for others right now
I know you need me
And I'm sorry
That I'm busy trying to not flee

'Cause you must understand
That everyday is hell
With some stars of light
In a black sky, where I dwell

Sorry I can't help you as I'd like to
That I'm not the one I was any longer
And sorry
I'm not stronger

Mourn For Me

Pretty diffuse
Like a thick, black smoke
Obscuring my sight
Couldn't hear the words you spoke

Your lips are moving
But I'm not in your reality
Hiding in my head
Hiding from the brutality

And I'm impressed that you try to reach me
When I'm so far away
Trying to take my hand
Even when I'm lead astray

And yeh, I'm sitting next to you
While I'm a thousand miles aside
Just can't stand another day from hell
I'm sorry, I tried

I try to live everyday
To not be distant
You're better off without me
I shouldn't be existent

Shouldn't be alive
Shouldn't have been born
And if I'd go away
Would a single living soul mourn?

To Hide Forever

Just leave me here
Damn frozen and alone
Just leave me be
Let be become unknown

'Cause no one really cares
If I'm dead or alive
I walk alone
This time I won't survive

Soar and fragile
I hang on
On a frail image
In the root of dawn

And when the night is over
I'll crawl back in the sky
Small, in a black environment
Where I'll go high

Where no one can reach me
I'll be unaware
Of the life you'll continue with
That's pretty fair?

Will you let me
Go away
Will you let me
Hide everyday