Old friendship

Old friend, we who lost touch
You still know me
For even if I changed
I still know how I don't want to be
And you're aware
That I'm still the same girl
Still the broken girl
Crying on the floor
Screaming silently
For someone to come save me
The nightmares during the day
Shadows in the sun
How can someone save me?
Still I smile, still it hurts
And I still can't sleep at night
I take the moments I get
To be vulnerable and honest
To lay bare for anyone to read
The moments when I'm alone
I'd let you see me

Unawareness

What came to conquer the year of happiness
Back when I felt and smiled and read
I want to walk through my own memories
And see them live again all around me
Feel their scent through my senses
That didn't smell a rose for years
Hear their laughs echo through my shell
That's still not empty, but still so cold
Like they stabbed it raw with 100 knives
Sliced through the flesh of innocence
To leave it to rot in it's own despair
As it desperately watches time fly away
And I can see how the world turns
The changes and sacrifices that is easily forgotten
Lost in the past and swallowed with dread
The regretting mind lets it sleep peacefully
To hope it'll never wake to awareness again
Hoping to not be tortured by oneself
Not in the past nor the future
But every act has got consequences haunting you
You'll meet them one day
And they will burn your face with revenge

Loneliness

As if there's ice expanding in my head
How could I make these decisions
When my skull is about to explode
Who could ever hold these untrue visions?

And dare to still breathe alone
Dare to sleep at all
I'm not sure I can trust myself
It's so hard to stand tall

When everyone's kicking you down again
And when your legs are shattered
Is there someone trustful enough to rely on?
Who'd show how much you really mattered

Even though your lack of smiles
They still found you beautiful and strong
For when your world's upside down
There'll always be a place for you to belong

But will you dare to take their hand?
To walk with support and care
Disease them with your sickness
Is that really fair?

What if you'd break the only ones
That would still try to reach out to you
Would this make you more alone?
More or less unable to get through?

Would it really matter
To tear the skies apart
Would it make you better
To stab your own fucking heart

Dear World

World, overwhelm me
Throb your music through my body
Let your rhythm pound inside of me
And let your beauty move me
Reach to hidden spots inside of me
Awake feelings I never felt before

Bleeding Monsoon

I went away to hide again
And this time the leaves were crying
Claimed me for my sacrifice
Teardrops like razors dyed me red
Stained my mind with guilt
Pained me with myself
The truth of failure
And the one I've become

Nightmares

The darkness falls so soon
A few bright hours every day
Some precious hours
The ones I sleep away
Because they wouldn't leave me
Leave my head
When I'm so fucking tired
They whisper about the dead
Why I should join them
In a hole in time
Sedated in serenity
Forever stand in prime
I cannot sleep
They've infected my mind
How would the ones around me react
Would I be left behind?
In fright and confusion
With lack of knowledge and braveness
Maybe they'd walk away
And I'd be left alone with my nightmares I guess

It's breaking me

The sixth of December
It's snowing in my mind
They're screaming inside of me
I'm out of reach for mankind

Breathing feels unrealistically heavy
Like it used to do before
But it really doesn't matter to the world
So I keep going, I try to ignore

Whatever is swallowing me
That made me this frail
There are no exceptions nor sympathy
To whom it doesn't matter when I fail

To walk or breathe or wake up
I got that it's not her aggression
But still breaking me
Still all the things to be my repression
And it's breaking me

Cancer

Cancer
Eating my mind
Eating my head
Feasting on me

The pills will sedate me
Make me go on
Taking away my shadows

I'll be your drug
Sweet and Addictive
You'll be my redemption

I'm filled with coldness
Frozen in deep
Taking away my emotions

Laying in darkness
Laying in sin
In the corner of the world
Where the nobodies live

I'll be your coffee
Bitter and dark
You'll be my refrain

Hard to get up
Hard to get out
Heavy to breathe
I think I'm breaking inside

Old times

The time of the sunrises
And I was amazed
Went through an important lesson,
Or was that just time to waste?
The best time of his life
And I tore it apart
Love sheds tears in teacups
To drown the heart
And I'm sorry I'm sorry
I cannot live a lie
Been there, done that
I cannot deny