All Those Years, Those Memories

And here we are again
I just really wanna cry
Time to start a new life with another stain
Now it's time to say goodbye

It feels so damn strange
I'm not sure I can't take it
Going through this change
Another home will split

And I can't stand on my own legs
But now I've gotta support
I'm the one who silent beg
Another of life's resorts

It's harder then it seems
More involved emotions
You won't hear my screams
They'll drown with me in the oceans

And people we knew
We lived with for so long
We'll leave behind forever
Something just went wrong

And now I'm breaking again
My life is falling apart
Time to build a new refrain
This will be a new start

and promise me you'll tell me
what it looks like in heaven

Addictions

We won't settle down
Until ribs and hips will be clear
It's just such a dream
That will be the killpremier
And those nights
Two fingers in your throat
All the fights
We'll write ourself a suicide note
And later on
Some painkillers eased your anxiety
But another addiciton
It's not a varity
You started your own death with purpose
'Cause it still made you live
Easier to go through those days
When you had something to give
To be selfish
Just to make it through another panic attack
I'm sorry I'm doing this to you
I didn't mean to do this behind your back
But I can't stop this
I just don't want to feel
You can make me smile
But still the pain is real

You can't always be here
And life me up high
That's why I can't stop this
I'm sorry, but sometimes it's just too hard to try

I know you're not always okay
You never trusted me enough
To tell me what was wrong
That life can be tough

I don't want to see you fall
I wanna be there
And I'm trying to give you my all
I still care

Split Me Up And Sew Me Back Right

I wanna cut myself wide open
And sew myself back the way I should be
I'm all damn wrong, can't you see?
All this inside, it's killing me
And it feels like I'm bursting
No one is here to hold my hand
To sew back the pieces
I look beside me where no one stand
Like my heart can't take more
Revealing secrets
I can't explain
I won't complain
I'll just lie on the floor
And think through what I've done
Just you ignore
And I'll be slowly dying
Breathing in the fumes
My mind will be flying
I'll be crying
There's no more trying

Real Brutality

You can't deny me my thoughts
Neither my feelings
You were the one who taught
Me this way of dealing

And complaining about the brutality
That originally came from you
This is now my reality
This is what you draw me into

And those nights you made me think
What was wrong with me
My own pain you made me drink
And live it through when I wanted to flee

I will never blame
Just try to forget
And greive ain't the same
I'll pay my debt

A price of running blood
And wide open skin
Trying to get out
What's crawling within

A darkness inside
That caused this for you
Can't get it out, I promise I've tried
Can't live with myself without cutting through

You're not supposed to read this

Your silence is screaming in my ear
'Cause even if you're not saying a word
Maybe you need me to hear
And it's driving me insane that it's so absurd

I can't stand to feel hated
Though you never said I were
I don't know why I feel so lowly rated
I can't understand why anyone would prefer
To stand by me
And hear my cries
Instead of flying free
And hear no lies
Or love someone who ain't this depressed
And will drag you down
That can give you more when they give you their best
That would never let you drown

And you'd probably make it without me
But I don't think I can stand without you
I'm holding you back, when you could be free
But no one can love you like I do

Live now

And what was before can never be again
We stay behind our isolation
Since we don't want to remember, feel no pain
We try to avoide any close relation
And the right words can be enough
To break the wall we stand behind
And we play our games rough
The raw truth is what we keep in our mind

Memories can break you down
And all those feelings inside
And tears you have to allow
You just have to remember what's around
Those who care and will always stand beside
You have to live now

The One I Love

And your pain can hurt me
'Cause I don't want you to feel small
I wanna be there and catch you
I don't want you to feel pain at all

And if I could take your pain instead
Dry your tears
I don't ever want you to feel lonely
I'd live with pain for a thousand years

I always want to be there
So you know that someone cares if you're depressed
I might not be good at this
But I'm giving you my best

And oh god I love you
More than I can ever show
I'm just so damn scared
You'd realize what I am, you know

And you would see that I am nothing to love
That I'm no one to care for
And you'd wonder why you wasted your time
And then I'll be alone all damn sore

But till the day you'll see who I am
The freak, the clown
I'll try to be there the best I can
And I will try to not let you down

I can't stay here forever

This must be the things tearing my apart the most
All these emotions
I'm turning morose
It's just one of my motions

To tell you that I can't take this way to live
This ain't the way I'll make it
It's so damn confusing, so hard to forgive
And while feeling like this I first started slit

I can't be like this
It's breaking me
It's far away from my bliss
And I just want to flee

and you

i'm shaking
i'm crying
i'm breaking
i'm dying

the tears are itching
the black tears
drying on my cheek
this is my fears

and you won't hesitate
to take me down
you won't be indulgent
you'll let me drown

and you didn't want me to go
you won't let me, right?
i don't think you know
then you'd feel contrite

yeh

When someone is watching you can make it
But alone, the world seems so much bigger
And those promises meant nothing to you
That made me push the trigger
And our lifes is passing by
While we're standing still
One day I'll stand alone here
You'll leave me, one day you will
And my sorrow will burst out
In the most creative ways
I'll be screaming loud
Just by remembering those days

Now you can be there
And hold me tight
But when I'll break
You won't be here and help me fight

just some inner thoughts

It's all in my head
I panic of fear
I balance on a thread
Everyday the breakdown is near

But I tend to keep it
This mask, this act
And it's my fault I admit
Inside I'm cracked

Outside, I'm smiling
Inside, I'm dying
I'm a lost broken thing
I'm a pro in lying

How can you say
That everything's wrong
In this world it ain't okay
I've kept my smile up for long

And sitting in my room
Black tears running from my closed eyes
Im locked up in my tomb
I live my life up in my skies

Would you understand
Could you listen at my cry
Would you lead me through this land
Do you even care enough to try

Breaking me

I tried to hurt myself,
I tried to take this pain away.
But only ended up with a addiction,
because of the things I play.

A sharp little blade,
a well-known sting.
A chanse for me to pay,
my own song to sing.
A bottle with the poisen fumes,
a breath.
Lying on the floor while flying,
and this could be my death.
Two fingers in my throat,
to make me perfect.
Choking me,
with a different object.
And the worst self-destructive thing.
A person I cared for.
That could make me break so easily.
While they would just ignore.