Beneath Sanity

My cheek pressed towards the cold tiles
The world seems so terribly unreal
As I seek the patterns closer to the ground
To wash away everything that I feel

I'm defying bound laws of nature
How could I still imperfectly exist?
I'm buying time with every breath
Terrified of finally being dismissed

To realize that every stage was not
Perhaps just someone's forgotten dream
I idealize escaping from rhyme and reason
To break loose, to head upstream

But hiding from space and time
Is impossible for someone bound by pain
I keep confiding on this uncertain air
I keep heading on an anxious terrain

And when time has lost it's sense to me
When this rush has subsided
As the prime of sorrow unfolds ahead
Is when emotion and thought has collided

End

I've come to the same insight as before
Finding my thoughts condemning your deeds
We're only rubbing wounds that are sore
And even though my heart bleeds
I know, eventually, the angst recedes

There's this power growing inside of me again
I'm starting to feel increasingly brave
You eyes and words behave so inhumane
Even though my emotions still crave
I've got myself to save

I've know all the time that I have to turn away
For my throbbing body needs to smile
There's no point in waiting halfway
I can't stand you being hostile
Not even for awhile

You've shown me that I'm not worth to cherish
I can't continue on denying
For it would only make me perish
We can't go on foolishly trying
Because we're already slowly dying

Nightmares

I'm violated fiercely

Forced through my pride

Thorns of words and limbs

All shame, applied

I find myself not moving

Not even an attempt to break loose

But even worse is

How I make up their excuse

I must find myself unworthy

When I'm not surprised of such a quake

I only feel myself as empty

When I'm actually awake

Hope

I survived on this hope

Like oxygen

In every breath

I grew stronger and

I wonder where

My strength is now

Invested my everything

On being happy with you

All emotions in

But you were cheated

Your shadow

Fooled me, you, us

I am watching myself scatter

Once more I'm torn down

I wonder where

My hope is now

Open My Eyes

There's a scent of destruction

Evolving in the gap

For the snares you put out for us

To catch us in your own trap

The remorse must be unbearable

For letting me bleed

Finally you are realizing

This ain't what I need

So we keep exchanging kisses

There is no forever

No plans for tomorrow

No hope whatsoever

I know I'll wake up soon

From the sweetest nightmare

Without your breath in my ear

That is fading all despair

Blindness

You may not be able to
Appreciate what you've got

Only hunting what you could have

And certainly what you cannot

I could give you all I have

I've done it before

But why give me to someone

Who only wants more?

I guess I'd be better off alone

Without my wounds full of your salt

To escape the feeling that you give me

That all is my fault

Because I know that I am strong

That there's much in me to care for

And perhaps someone else could

Love me even more

I could be happy, you know

Why should I stick around you?

You blind me too often

Still I keep pulling through

Idiotic, that's what it is

That I keep letting myself grieve

Instead of accepting what I'm worth

Instead of letting myself leave