What Mistakes?

I am laying in my bed
my heart is pounding
painfully
like any other day

but it's not like
any other day
for this time
it is you who is
pounding and
aching
inside of me.

Perhaps it's the usual
anyway,
I just remembered
that you've been
making me corrode
for years.

I don't even know
why my chest decides
to punish me,

I don't even know
what I am doing wrong.


I don't know
how to make me right.

Nightmares in Daylight

I'm still wandering the same damn path
as I've brooded on for too many days
and hours and years.
And I just came to realize that my flesh
has turned inside and out, so now my
internal organs are external organs and
the core is just nothing but skin.
Nothing but scar tissue.

I've been thinking about living and what
will happen when I'm there again. With
vitality streaming from my eyes once more.
But the hopes are sucking me back.
There's not much over for dreaming just
right now, since I'm still hurting too many
seconds each minute, too many minutes
each day.
And the other way around.

Have a look at my face, can you see it,
right there. The grooves on my face from
the tears I've cried and also the ones I
never could let out.
Why don't you say anything, you must see
them, the nightmares following me
wherever I go. Always one step behind,
whenever I turn around.
Why don't you save me?

My heart is beating way too quick now
and my face is vibrating,
my brain is
turning hot
and I cannot think because
my entire body is pounding.

Misdeed

Had I the power to trust myself
Every emotion and thought
Had they not been stained with doubt
The hesitation that demolishes
Tainting the steps I take forward
The approaching to finally break out

If I could love the one reflected
I wouldn't have to excuse my breaths
The proof of my crime towards our universe
The evidence of my vicious existence
Every footprint turns to a misdeed
Towards believing I seem to be averse

I'm trying to understand the difference
Between yours and my own view
To embrace the change of self-esteem
Leave the label of failure behind
Start to walk upright, environed by the air
And fully realize; there's nothing to redeem

Otakt

Mitt hjärta slår i otakt
Luften i mitt rum består av
För mycket mellanrum,
Alldeles för lite syre

Mina lungor klarar inte av
Att bära på mina plågor
De är bra, dock med
En svidande eftersmak

Taket närmar sig mitt ansikte
Hotar mig med linjer
Bländar mig med hopp
Snälla, tappa mig inte nu

Träffar jag marken krossas jag
Luften smakar underbart
Men försätter mig i trans
Jag tappar den trygga kontrollen

Mitt hjärta slår i otakt
Jag sitter och blundar,
Håller andan för att fördela
Jämnare slag i min bröstkorg

Ljuv

Mina andetag är bräckliga, sköra,
de får min bröstkorg att
skälva av behag. Rysningar,
de skrämmer.

Jag vandrar högt, månen är
inte långt ifrån.
Vinden smeker min hud utan
hjärta eller omtanke.

Gitarrsträngar kopplar mitt huvud
till den värld jag känner.
Jag smakar på öarna som råder
en bitterljuv röst.

Ljuset som speglas i mitt tak,
när jag blundar, kryper
för nära. Otryggheten i de
blekta strålarna.

Jag är skuggan som ej avbildar,
kylan i blodet. Våga,
inte närmre. Det förintar,
förgör de färger vi lever.

Surface

Time seems to stop for awhile
Perhaps to catch it's breath
It doesn't hold the same purpose anymore

You walked without even glancing
back, over your shoulder
You fled from future remorse

I want to reach for the air
molecules of oxygen and sorrow
Scream out loud; "I surrender!"

It's colder without your words,
trembling, quaking the wrongs
Vision seems now obscure

like tears falling on the surface,
making the world ring

Unreal

The dirt crashed down in my head
A different kind of state of mind
Where nightmares come alive
Where reality's undefined
Everyday with the goal; to survive

My sight's slit and my eyes have bled
There's another world in the shade
Only the contours of ours remain
I pretend that I ain't afraid
'Cause I'm playing in their domain

They hear anything unspoken and unsaid
Emotions are an open book they read
I must surely be about to go insane
When the limit of my pulse exceed
It doesn't matter how much I try to strain

The hurt fiercely invaded my sore head
Only to increase my body's tension
Everyone around me start to fade
I'm being sucked into another dimension
I naively try to stay here, but I cannot evade

Acid Crown

My head spins me out of place
Someone's dropping acid on my inside
It corrodes through my defence
To creep into my blood
There it'd come to infect my mind further
And I breathe in every piece of sunlight
Only to realize: the sun betrays me
It hides the bitter taste of darkness
Vibrating through my shell
I continue walking in my dreams
My place of being
The place of my mind's cheating torture
My hatred is overwhelming
Since I despise the one I call myself
It all comes to further harm
I find myself worthy of the crown of thorns
But I'm no redeemer of anything
Only the acid of my surroundings
My crown is my overtaking emotions
They're already full of stakes piercing me
I've already crowned myself

Dimmed

I find myself crawling in the dark mud again
It encloses me entirely, derisively quick
In a way I've stopped fighting it
In a way I've accepted that it swallows me
Perhaps I've come to realize my own part of it
And the shame is haunting me intensively

My nightmares takes form inside of me
Why doesn't anyone see them floating in my face?
Isn't it too obvious that I've been melting?
Isn't it way too clear how I've been boiling?
And I know it won't obliterate me
I'll only continue to shatter the one I was

I walk hollowly on my dimmed path
Trying to find some kind of end to the plague
You keep on boosting my hatred for myself
You keep on telling me how I am wrong
Even though your eyes speak more than your voice
Your hidden words are imprinted inside of me