Let Me Hurt

And I didn't want to hide today
Losses of breaths becomes gigantic
I don't want to be this way
And I don't want to panic

My condition is unknown
I have to wait for the voices to go away
Until then I'm locked up alone
I'm really not okay

Only a few have seen me
When I'm this way
When I just can't be
Normal, like the rest may

A thousand miles away
But still I'm sitting next to you
Your looks are like from a beast of prey
And they always pursue

Though I couldn't make it without
Someone caring
Sorry I'm so weak and so damn full of doubt
Feels like everyone's staring

Whispers full of anxiety and fright
I've got the convictions
Though I'm not alright
I just can't get rid of these addictions

And they are hurting me
Taking over my mind
And hell I don't know why
The truth is refined

Down in the dirt
Gets me high
And let me hurt
I just don't want to die

It's a devotion
It makes me feel alive
To get rid of this emotion
Helps me to survive

Suicide

Turning darker and darker
Growing bigger and bigger
This huge hole
Begging me to pull the trigger

Voices inside of me
Screaming in my head
No matter how hard I try to drown the sounds
I can still hear them wishing I was dead

And a razor to my neck
Closed eyelids
Now is the time to remember
Remember what they did

I'm shattered
A fucking thousand pieces
For you it never mattered
And my tears increases

Touch my face
Can't you feel the flames?
Brought to erase me
When the devil claims

And they are everywhere
This is their assault
And it's scaring me
But I guess it's my own fault

Madness

So here I am
Damn speechless
And the only thing I feel
Is a strong scent of emptiness
This feels so unreal
Hope it's a dream
And that I'll soon wake up
With a new self-esteem

And this is tearing me
My whole world is changing
Replaced rolls
And the fucking manuscript re-arranging
The world is teasing me
Kicking me while I'm still on the ground
Giving me no chanse to recover
A torture damn profound

And I've been here before
I remember it like hell
So many tears
The impulse to say farewell
Insecurity and unspoken words
The loneliness
No one to turn to
Drowning in this sadness

Only bringing me madness

I Can't Make the Past Undone

If I could change the past
If I could make it go away
I'd make these things undone
And reverse the times I did betray

The times I made a hole
Inside of me
The times I lost control
When reality disagree

I brought a shadow over myself
And the ones in the crowd
The ones who care
I can never make them proud

'Cause all the times I tried
To not hurt anyone
I did exactly what I didn't mean to
I can't make this undone

And I'm damn sorry
I really want to make you glad
I want to tell you I can do it
Smile with control I've never had

*~*~*

This is a way to tell the ones I hurt
That I'm sorry
I'm so damn sorry
I never wanted to do it on purpose
I'm damn weak
Can't take critique
And when I hurt myself
I know I hurt you
I just can't take this

And I'm sorry I'm not stronger

Crush My Head

My head's aching
The thoughts are bombing my mind
And when I smash my skull against the wall
Serenity is what I want to find

I don't want to think
I know just what'll happen if I do
I'd come to realize
What I'm not letting into

And I can't keep the voices down
They are screaming in my head
I just want to silence them
They'd want to see me dead

I'm sorry I'm doing it
Over and over again
I just can't stand it
I just can't strain

You're Perfect To Me

I've got an addiction
Someone who can make me smile
But still this contradiction
Someone who can make me hostile

And I'm sorry as hell
But I'm so damn obsessed with your eyes
They could tame a rebel
Would see through any disguise

And I wanna give you the stars in a jar
So you could glance at their beauty every night
I'd like to change what things are
And just like you're mine, I wanna be your knight

I'd like to make the past go away
I want to promise you my smile won't be fake
But even if you still light up my day
You can so damn easily make me break

You're the one who can reach to me
Deep inside
And when you disagree
It tears me open wide

You've got that look in your eyes
When I disappoint you
Will you never get tired of my lies?
My ways I use to get through

You're so goddamn perfect
Beautiful in every single way
And your beauty infect
Colouring the world so grey

Let Me Make You Whole

And when you see how vulnerable I am
Will you let me hide under your skin
Get so damn close to you
Hide deep within

Will you take me to your deepest chamber
And put the key in my hand
Will you ever trust me
Or will you get me banned

And dwell upon your own thoughts
Bearing your burdon alone
Will you stay this strong
Will your secrets stay unknown

Will you take me in your arms
And share me your soul
Show me that you care
Let me make you whole

You won't miss me

And when the memories come back
Of how you betrayed
Can't you see I'm losing track
Have you got any idea how many times you made me use the blade

And now it's my time to go
I don't want it to repeat
Just admit you never loved me, you know
This was all incomplete

And I don't want to be the stupied one again
Don't cry for me
This was the only way to get it out from my brain
I'm sorry that I had to flee

You won't miss me
I wasn't meant to be anyway
I'm sorry for the way I chose to be
I'm sorry I couldn't stay another day



"dont think of this poem
it's just the thoughts i had to get out
it's the feelings tearing me
the things that made me want to shout"

Help Me

The blood in my lips are pounding,
Like they're telling me to cut
They are damn resounding,
A sound I just can't shut

And how can someone save me,
If they can't see I'm dying?
Would they just flee,
And leave me without trying?

Please just see me someone,
And switch my pills
Make this killing undone,
Give me something that doesn't kills

Can't you see for help I scream,
That I try to get through
I know that okay I seem,
But if you just knew

They say that I am strong,
I can beat these fights
They are so damn wrong,
But never saw me one of these nights

And I'm telling you
I can't do it alone
For fucks sake, I can't get through
I'm sinking like a stone

Scratch

Scratch, scratch
Somethings crawling inside
Underneath my skin
I'll scratch it open wide

Scratch, scratch
I can't get it out
What's floating in my blood
I just want to shout

Srike, strike
My fists hit my thighs
In frustration I strike
Can't live with my lies

Scratch, scratch
I'm scratching my arm
A layer of skin
I can't live without self-harm

And I sound like a pshyco
When I'm crying out loud
In frustration I'm scratching, I'm hitting
I'm hiding from the crowd

'Cause no one can see me
When I'm this way
They only see the consequences
The price that I pay

this is just fuck

Will you stay with me
Or did I scare you away
Will you stand by and see
Will you get me through the day

Would you take my sored hands and say
"Don't hurt yourself no more
'Cause when you're not okay
I am also torn"

Waiting

I'll be waiting for this loneliness to go away
I'll be watiting for these wounds to heal
I'll be watiting for my hesitation to decay
And one day, a happiness for real

I'll be waiting for the storm to calm down
I'll be watiting for someone to rescue me
I'll be waiting for the world to crown
And one day, I will be free

I'll be waiting for the autum leaves
I'll be waiting for a time without pain
I'll be waiting for being able to roll up my sleeves
And for the stars to reign

And when the scars will fade
As the memories, they will fade away
I'll forget the blood I paid
For happiness,
It's the only way

Who

I'm all alone
Who could I tell?
I'm all frozen
Where can I dwell?

I'm all sore
Who would care?
It's killing me
Who would help me bear?

I can't take this
Who would understand?
I failed you
Who would ever take my hand?

Cold

Cold.
I'll shut you out
Cold.
My breath
Cold.
Don't want to feel no more
Cold.
My hands
Cold.
Like you made me
Cold.
Hate
Cold.
And it won't be
in hell

Nålar

dina ord är Nålar

Och jag är en jävla Nåldyna

You

I'm amazed by your beauty
Didn't think anyone could be like that
So damn concerning, so damn beautiful
Nothing you can combat

'Cause you'll always be everything anyone could ever want
You'll always deserve the best
You deserve the world
Can't be anything else than impressed

And when I hold you in my arms
I can't realize that you chose me
I love you so damn much
But one day you'll see

You'll get tired of the tears
You'll get tired of the cries
You'll find someone who ain't like this
You'll get tired of my lies

And I want to give you what you deserve
I want to be true
And I want you to feel good
I want to shine for you

I'm Sorry

The snow is falling
On my head
At home they're laughing
I'll take this way instead

They won't even notice
That I'm lost in the cold
That I couldn't take more
Of the things I never told

A little sharp blade
That used to get me through these days
This time it helped me when I betrayed
It's my time to amaze

I'm really sorry
If I put you in tears
I'm okay now
No more unanswered prayers

I won't cry no more
I know it's a burdon when I do
I don't want you to ignore
Still I never said what I went trough

You couldn't have saved me
Even if you tried
Someday I'd chose to flee
'Cause for so long I denied

The snow is falling
On my head
The ones I love have no clue
That I'm already dead

Gone Away

And it hurts in me that I can't be
The one you deserve
Happy, beautiful and funny
Someone who didn't only observe

I'm shy and insecure
And I hate the way I am
Holding you down
'Cause I am condemn

Maybe I shouldn't be here
Shouldn't walk on earth
This place belongs to the cheers
All the things I'm not worth

But how would I end it
In a prideful way
Convince that here, I don't fit
No one would notice I've gone away

Alone

And I crawl inside my mind
My eyes are wide open but I'm blind
Thoughts make tears drain
It's driving me insane
And I can't be the one
This has already begun
Laughing, smiling
No, I can't be the one, smiling thing
I want to
Be alive
Don't want to be the one who
Almost can't survive
And in a minute
I'll be sitting in a bathroombooth
While reality's pursuit
My tears will be revealing the truth
I feel so alone

Can't take another day
I don't want to stay
Can't take more lies
Don't want to disguise
I don't have the power to breathe once more
Can't pretend I'm not sore
Don't want to hide
Can't stand to hold up my pride
Don't want more nights
When before my eyes there's flashing lights
'Cause I can't strain
Against the will to slit up a vein
Don't want to be alone
Don't want to be unknown
I don't want to be alone

There's people around me
But they are too blind to see
There are people who care
But I can't share what I bare
Chose to die on my own
But still I don't want to be alone

I don't want to be alone

Burning Inside

Why am I killing myself when I don't want to die
Why am I rejecting the friends I need the most
I am crying but claiming my eyes stay dry
And instead of showing, I'm turning morose

Why don't I deserve to be alright
Why am I always inbetween
These shadows around me ain't turning bright
I'm just only fourteen

And oh god I can't make this on my own
But still I don't want them to know
Thoughts about my head being blown
And the devils will come take me below

I am killing the body I live in
To set my spirit free
Scratching away my skin
So I'll be able to flee

But really I don't want this to end
I don't want to die
But I can no longer pretend
I can no longer deny

I can't say I'm okay
When my head is crushing 'cause my thoughts collide
I guess you can simply say
That I'm burning inside

I S O L A T I O N

I'm losing myself in my own lies
Burning inside 'cause I don't even try
Drowning in the distance to the skies
Hating myself for complaining when I can't say why

And you will learn to hate me
And I want to damp the fall
One day you'll set my blood free
Time to start isolate so I won't have to crawl

Killing me from living a lie
Burning up from inside
Falling from far up high
When my feelings will collide