Left behind or the one who left

All these dull mornings
The coffee as my drug supplier
And even though I slept all night
I'm still so full of sorrow and tire

And then it hits me in my chest
Is this all I've lost!?
All the times I ran away
And kept my fingers crossed

When the sun will arrive again
And not only for awhile
Will I stand alone for once and for all
Or will they still be patient and smile

For of my stupidity and when drenched in shadows
I've done things in my despair
But the things they never saw;
I was too afraid to stay there

I've smiled recently and I've tried so hard
To be like I used to
But still what's echoing inside
All these emotions I can't break through

All these lonely nights
Wanna join and break me, apply here
'Cause now my demons are trying
To drench my burning fire

All these days has past
Still I'm a professional crier
People came and people left
How long can I stay denier?

When the storm has gone by
In the end I just broke them all
They relied on me
And I dragged them with me in my fall

I guess it's time to go
And I'm the only one still living in yesterday
They say I'm not alone but
Then why do they turn away

I feel so left behind
And mostly I'm a mess
This is no excuse but
In the end I abandoned them I guess