Dying Under The Surface

Behind that thick, black eyeliner
She's hiding
Behind these walls
She's not abiding

Under this certain surface
She's trying
Beneath these empty promises
She's dying

And you're the one
Who's killing her
What was back then can not be undone
And it would change who we were

All this inside
She's trying to deny
Trying to hide but end up open wide
And she's falling from up high

Down this deep well
Of emotions, she's lying
Down of the memories of your actions she dwell upon
And trying to be the one denying

And I'm left here
In my prison
I slowly disappear
The devil has risen

Take me away from here

I've been here for less then an hour
But I still just want to die
This is hell for me
All these years I tried to deny

And all I want to is to get back
Where I belong
And this ain't the place
I don't get along

I've got tears in my eyes
Just want to walk out of that door
But this is now my prison
Can't take this no more

I couldn't hurt you
So I wear my smiles fake
I really love you but
I can feel how I'm about to break

Love's darker side

It's heavy

Heavier than stone

Knowing that you're suffering

Something you never shown

And inside we're breaking

We're trying to seem okay

You're killing me and I'm hurting you

And that just makes us betray

And we cannot do this

If you want us to be

Together and stop suffer

'Cause we'll end up flee

I blame you for not understanding

Why I do these things

But when did I try to see from your point of view

Just want to see you fly with your wings

Your smile makes my day

It makes me miserable knowing you're not okay

But knowing you're lying to me 'cause you think I cannot see

That's fucking letting my blood go free

To One Of My Friends

And i'm greiving you
For your loss of your soul
All in your head you're going through
And you try to stay in control

You can't see it in the way you move
Or by listening to your voice
Just by recognize and feel what you've
Gone through, is the way you can see your false rejoice

You've written so many things for me
And now it's my turn
To show you what I think and how I see
I can see your mind and your concern

And looking from another perspective
Whom does it blames
You've got to look at it reflective
To see your soul in flames

A friend who always was there for me
But I pushed her away
And that's equal to that we'll never be
'Cause our relation's decay

I was too scared
To let someone in
And I lost the only one who cared
Because my shell was too thin

And I don't know who'll look after her
Like she looked after me
Since we lost the way we were
I wish we could go back to the way we used to be

And You Steal My Blood

And you make me cry
I hate myself for being this weak and soar
I try to stay up in my mind, be high
So I won't have to think about you two anymore

And none of you said anything
I'm just so unsure
You're clipping my wing
But I try to stay hidden in the obscure

And I close my burning eyes
So I won't have to see
This happened once before, just a reprise
And it's breaking me

But everytime he stand in front of me
I can't stop smiling
I'm so damn in love, is she?
Knowing that she likes him sting

And I have no fucking right to be jealous, right?
That's just so fucking lame
Should I be able to trust despite,
what happened before, is this the same?

And even if I'm wrong
I can't get rid of the feeling
Try to pretend it doesn't matter, try to get along
And my blood it is stealing

you're not supposed to read this

You're killing me
And I don't have the energy to fight
Close my eyes so I won't have to see
And I'm crying in the night

I'm not good in hiding
Or you must be blind
Doing what I can, I'm abiding
Wish I could erase my mind

And now I'm lying in my room
With your words echoing inside my head
My body you consume
And now I'm dying my body red

'Cause you can't see my reaction
And I can't make you
But if you could, would that be your satisfaction?
If you saw what I went through?

Inside we're Breaking

We're all so damn full of pride
Can't show yourself weak
Stone on the outside
Don't care about critique

Crying inside
Laughing when you're in sight
You're rarely open wide
You're not alright

And you never take a minute
Just to feel
Deep down in your root
You'd feel that this pain is real

To Hide

And I hide inside my mind
I'm safer, it's not as hard to get hurt
Cruel is what you say about mankind
And it won't convert

Better off alone
Where no one can reach me
No one saw me when I shone
Now I'm nothing to see

I'm an odd flower
Withered and dead
Without any power
With my body coloured red

Red is the colour of love
Then blood must be the broken hearts scent
And thereof
That's what I represent

And your words can cut my wrists
You can cut me through
Your looks are like a thousand fists
But I still love you

And when you give away your heart
When you let someone in
You give them the ability to tear you apart
Trust them not to, but you will never win

So just hide behind those walls
That I built up for years
They will watch it when it falls
And then the vulnerable me appears

And I give you a paper full of drawed hearts
Took me an hour to draw
But only a second for you to throw it in the trashes

dying

And I'm sitting there
With mascara tears down to my chin
No one see me in my dispair
It's like I'm invisible, about to lose it

Maybe no one wants to see
Not even my best friends said anything
And the tears are taking over me
The blade sting

And I flee to the bathroom
My hands are shaking, my hands are pounding
And I smell my blood perfume
As I carve in my arm my blood's abounding

My head is turning dizzy
For of the strong scent
My head's busy
But now it's heavy as cement

A bottle with an orange warning text
"Don't breathe in the fumes"
And what is about to happen next
I'll be lying on the floor in one of the bathrooms

Addiction has made us die
Brought strong people into death
I never understood why
Someone would kill their breath

Now I know
How you can hurt yourself
We can't live through this show
And I just can't live with myself

So I will die of vomiting
Or maybe cutting or the poisons
I'm splitting my skin with my sharp little thing
And destroying my body with tons

alone

and I knew it all along
they never tried to hide it
according to them im damn wrong
and the crowd permit

but this is just when
I start slitting
my mind spin
in this world Im not fitting

and the little red marks
they itch all the time
and they tell the world what I think of all the remarks
dont want to know what I'm

just leave me alone
I would say
but the truth is that I cant take it on my own
I know that I wouldnt stay

Misunderstood

Misunderstood
Misled
All the things I should
I'm living dead

Mistaken
For a rose
A playground foresaken
I took the heavy doze

Misunderstood
Misled
Die, I wish I could
You coloured me red

screw this

It hurts me so much
And I'm too tired to see
I close my eyes
And I hope you'll set me free

Instead of have me hanging
When you don't really care
I begged you to end it instead of hurting me
But I guess you didn't dare

But now be honest
Let's come clean
You never loved me
I'm obscene

I know you never loved me
What is there in me to love?
I only find myself annoying
And someone you'll get sick of

I'm not the one I seem to be
I'm whiny and depressive
I'm just a mistake
I'd turn you aggressive

I don't know what my purpose is
Could it be to spread sorrow and doubt?
No one will ever love me for the one I am
I just want to shout

a self-destructive path

I became self-destructive
Losing myself in the sin
And the only way I'm productive
Is when I split up my skin

And the reasons are killing me
I panic inside
The first time I did it to feel free
But now I'm stuck and I've died

I am looking in the mirror
And I see all the things I hate
And my mind is becoming clearer
When did I gain so much weight?

And doing these things, destroying my body
Crying myself to sleep
All this blood I disembody
When I cut down too deep

She's falling

And so she's sitting in her bed
With her chin on her knees
Closing her eyes, going through her head
Trying to deny this damn disease

Her whole body full of straight little lines
Which she's doing everything to hide
And the reasons are loads of different kinds
It's just her thoughts shape on the outside

Happy is the first impression
She's become a pro to lie
She can't get rid of this obsession
Can't remember how it started, she can't remember why

She can't be her own protection
She can't beat herself alone
It's like a brain-infection
She can't survive it on her own

Her body is shivering and her mind's full of dread
She can't stop feeling so damn small
All the times her body coloured red
All those thoughts lead to her fall.

Lust

She is drinking your blood right from your skin
Look at those eyes, dangerous but oh so fine
She's dragging you into her sin
And you get to taste the divine

As your kissing her bloody lips
You feel your soul turning darker, your eyes turning black
And you're experiencing mental trips
You are losing yourself, there's no turning back

And she was there to seduce you
To help you drown in your own mind
And now you're moving closer that you never were true
She stole your life and you were blind

This is why they call her unreliable
She'll dig your grave
But she's undeniable
Still she's all that you crave

Dying

I opened your eyes
I never told you no lies
I gave you my heart
But you just torned it apart

I bled my part
I spoke my words
I did impart
I flew with the birds

And I crushed in my head
Exploaded and I bled
I turned against myself to flee
But I found it killing me

don't break

You helped me to stay
You gave me a reason
Promised you'd never betray
You made me live another season

And you made me alright
You made me whole
You gave me something bright
And saved my damaged soul

And then one day you weren't the same
You weren't okay
I couldn't see that burning flame
And I tried, but couldn't save your day

You gave me your love
You borrowed me your wings
But when you needed me to take you above
I didn't pull the right strings

I don't know how to help you
If you don't let me in
And it kills me to see you go through
When you're breaking within

.~.~.~.~.

I'm holding my breath
I'm closing my eyes
This is love's death
No one can hear my cries

I'm lying in my bed
The world is silent
Can't get this out of my head
These thoughts turning violent

Walking alone
With my arms burning red
Tears has flown
I have bled

Nothing I treasure is fun anymore
I don't eat, don't sleep
It will never be as before
I'm drowning in myself, the shallow's deep

Condemnd

I know I'm the disappointment of this year
And I'm not good enough
I'm not as innocent as my tear
And I'm not at all tough

With my whole body red
For experimentation and curiosity
And no matter how much I bled
I couldn't show my generosity

For you where the one I would care about
I were supposed to hold you when you were blue
But both of us had to make it without
The warmth from someone we knew

How do I even know you'd care for my death
I'm heading wrong
And you're the one who's stealing my breath
How the hell am I supposed to get along

'Cause without my sweetest friend
The sharpest little blade
The one that could be my end
But it's also the one gettng me through alive this damn parade

I'm the disappointment of all the years
For you, for them
I can't stand for you to see my tears
I'm the one you condemn