Left behind or the one who left

All these dull mornings
The coffee as my drug supplier
And even though I slept all night
I'm still so full of sorrow and tire

And then it hits me in my chest
Is this all I've lost!?
All the times I ran away
And kept my fingers crossed

When the sun will arrive again
And not only for awhile
Will I stand alone for once and for all
Or will they still be patient and smile

For of my stupidity and when drenched in shadows
I've done things in my despair
But the things they never saw;
I was too afraid to stay there

I've smiled recently and I've tried so hard
To be like I used to
But still what's echoing inside
All these emotions I can't break through

All these lonely nights
Wanna join and break me, apply here
'Cause now my demons are trying
To drench my burning fire

All these days has past
Still I'm a professional crier
People came and people left
How long can I stay denier?

When the storm has gone by
In the end I just broke them all
They relied on me
And I dragged them with me in my fall

I guess it's time to go
And I'm the only one still living in yesterday
They say I'm not alone but
Then why do they turn away

I feel so left behind
And mostly I'm a mess
This is no excuse but
In the end I abandoned them I guess

Towards the Cement

The fire laughs at me
And the sound rings like death in my ears
They're trying to get into me
My demons and ghosts
Haunting me
Hiding in the smoke
My heart is filled with pain
And my head with lies
Like a tumor in my chest
Panic is growing
And I'm stuck in between these walls
That I've built up so carefully

I made an armour of cement
To not get stung by the sun
To not let them carve in my skin
The nightmares that I still try to forget
This shield that I wanted
Is running out of air
And the feelings are growing
Like a scream wanting to get out
Is pushed towards the surface
But the armour is still not breaking
The scream is growing
Damped by the cement
And inside I'm hurting
Inside I'm breaking down

Mission Impossible

My warmth
Erased or replaced
Left my body
With nothing but cold
The affection
Like electricity
Disappeared in my shadows
And left place for the ghosts
Still haunting me
Like cancer in my head
Still stabbing me
To watch me bleed
Out the joy and energy
That I try so desperately to keep

Tire and sadness
Like a broken ashtray
I spilled out my mind
For everyone to read
For everyone to taste
But the bitterness
Drove them away
And the cancer grew
So I pushed the people away
To not get too close
They couldn't comfort me
Or heal me
Mission impossible
Mission uncompleted

Breaking Down

And you cut me down
But this wouldn't satisfy you
This wasn't enough for you

To get inside me
Only to pick my head apart
And all my thoughts were spread out

To mind my own business
But you couldn't stay with yours
Did you enjoy to watch me break down?

Loneliness

The loneliness came to conquer me
Crawled inside my heart
How many smiles did pass me this year?
Like darkness came to steal them
I shouldn't have let them go
But I was too weak, to busy with breathing
Heavily, with bricks on my lungs
Sadness was growing
For not a huge reason
And I became afraid of living
I'm afraid of breathing
Darkness swallowed me whole
Spit me out in hell
To torture me

Abstract

I'm not touched by spring anymore
Like the warm breeze blows right thought me
And the beauty of this world
Escaped from my palm
To show me it's shadows instead

I'm not enjoying these times anymore
They've exchanged with angst and tire
I lost the lust to explore
I've already seen too much badness
I never thought I'd lost that strong burning fire

My body crumbles from the noise
Your breathing turns to screams
It's not like I've made this choice
To be haunted by death in my dreams
Losing myself in this violence

And all this pain, all this hurt
Is it my redemption?
Have I been bad, what did I do wrong?
I wouldn't get an exemption,
Why can't I belong?

Bitterness had aged me too fast
And I weren't strong enough to keep my mind
Tearing my eyes when I'm reminded of the past
The one I used to be,
The one I left behind

Break

My head is storming
My body's breaking down
I guess I'm on the edge now
I guess I should accept the crown
For the weakest being
To walk on earth
At least one single price
That I'm worth
I didn't really know
What I did wrong
Why the hell did she hate me?
I wondered for so long
Why did depression get closer to me
Than my friends could ever come?
And why did I embrace it
The loneliness that would make me numb
Affection got terrifying
And crowds pained me
How could I explain my fear
That stained me
It hits me
Every moment awake
All of this
Made me break

Fire

The flame burns
Makes my skin peel
But deep inside
There's still a storm I feel

The ashes choke me
Venom fumes to make my lungs collapse
The addicting poison
To make me relapse

The nature's beauty enchants
The fire deceives me
And the smoke tells me
That it came to leave me free

How could I breathe
When you're taking all air?
How could I sleep
When I'm drowning in despair?

And the fire would burn me
I can feel it in the night
Like when the invisible flame blinds me
The darkness is too bright

And even if I'd shut my eyes
It's still there to blow me out
To never let me rest
Drain my brain and make me shout

Your Smile is Filling Me

I love it when I've got your attention
I love it when you're near
But if I have to be honest
If I want to be sincere
Your presence is dear to me
But is hurting me so cruelly
And faking my feelings
Is getting harder, truly
I tried to stop with these poems
To not pressure you
But I've gotta tell someone
How much I treasure you
I know you'll never love me
And it's killing me
I try to move on but
Your smile is still filling me
Emptiness is what I feel
In between sorrow and hurt
Somewhere in the middle
My head is filled with dirt
It's not like I want you here
It's not like I want you back
I'm trying to get past you
So cut me some slack?
I don't want your sympathy
I'll be okay on my own
Don't expect an honest answer
Just leave me alone

Sorry I'm Not Better

They scream in my ears
How could I ignore it?
I am going insane!?
I feel so damn split

And I don't think you could deal with my darkness
You wouldn't find me glamorous at all
I'd rather not bring you down with me
Drag you with me in my fall

You don't know anything
About the pressure I feel
I'm sorry I'm not better!
But don't blame me 'cause I can't deal

I'm sorry the meds aren't working
And making you feel better makes me feel worse
I know you worry
But the effect of your caring is reversed

Inside

Cut me open
Take a look inside
What can you find?
What can you find?

Keep me wide open
Have a look inside
What would you find?
What would you find?

And I died
Like I flower
Withered
I cried
Like a cloud
Darkening
I hide
Like if running
From life

Cut me open
Would you dare
To find out
What hides
Inside

ångest gör dig levande, eller i värsta fall död

när kärleken rinner mellan dina fingrar
och tårarna fräter hål på ögonlocken
så kan man inte längre blunda och önska
att man inte var ensam längre
det är ditt eget fel
det var du som isolerade dig
känner dig död men
det är nog bara önsketänkande
för ångest får en att känna sig så levande
då man önskar att man inte var det

Fear

I'll drain my body
To quench your thirst
For life and meaning
My mind is cursed
My body is crumbling
Things intimidating
Blaming me
The things I was creating
In my head
In my heart
This wrath grew
That'd come to tear me apart
And under my nails
There's someone else's skin
I scratched them open
And wore thin
Someone's blood
Is pumping through my veins
To fill my brain with their thoughts
I'm tied up in chains
Bound to my problems
And bound to my guilt
For being so selfish
The walls that I built
To keep everyone in a distance
To not let them come near
After all
I might just be full of fear

Love

You poison my mind
With hope and warmth
Affection is a drug
With wrath inside
Addicting and painful
When you breathe in it's truth
If I'd come to love you
I would break again
I don't want more pain
I don't want more justice
For this is what I deserved
Don't bring me hope
About loving you
Smiles damn true
For I'm a razor
And I'll cut us both wide open

Blood-Red Sky is Black

Mourn the moon
Blood spilled tonight
Colored the sky red
But darkness took too much place
Where can we find it?
Cravings of the night
Hearts filled with shadows
And weakness
Belongs to only the one
Who seeks

Yesterday

Happy tears
Like a sparkling crown
I wore my joy
But then
You brought me down

Like when I couldn't take this
When I chose to leave
When I chose to hide
And I still put up excuses
That I still try to believe

I think about it often
Mostly the past
But what happened and dreams unfulfilled
Float together
And I can't see no contrast

The more time is ticking
The more you disappear
The smile, the feelings
I used to be sure you'd always stay there,
As an image in my mind, still clear

As I live in yesterday
I'm losing tomorrow
Fear for close relations
Fear from being hurt
This fills me with your sorrow

the Way Back to Yesterday

Do you remember the joy of youth
No problems involved
The summer nights and Christmas Eve
When tears weren't a daily ration
When pain where still a mystery
And crowds were less intimidating
Life just as it should be

But then we woke up
To grow up fast
Somewhere in the middle
We stayed
Somewhere in the middle
They put our place
And mom was crying,
Dad frightened us
Still we're desperately trying to find our way
Back to yesterday

Lies

You get me down
On knees to let you in
Caressing me with words and whispers
Softly touching my skin
And speaking of affection
Days we could've had
The kiss we never shared
You drive me mad
And I knew all along
That if I'd choose to impart
It wouldn't be long
Until you'd pick me apart

Blame

I turned around
I faced the crowd
They were all staring
Their eyes made me nauseous
Burned holes in my skin

I stood in front of them
Screamed out loud
From fear and pain
To be left alone
I felt so small again

Youth's innocence
Had left me
Blame had come with winter
And it didn't turn to flee
Blame had come to stay
Somewhere inside of me

My Thoughts Unspoken

I just want to lie down
And sleep forever
Live in my sweetest dreams
And I won't have to wake up,
No I'll never

And it's okay
If you stay for awhile
Just to breathe with me
Just to keep me alive
Before my trial

I really screwed this up
Didn't I?
This time I blew it
I lost the world
'Cause I didn't try

I don't want to be left alone
I need you to stay near
But one day, when everyone's gone
Left in loneliness
I won't shed a tear

I don't want to lose
But I'm just too damn broken
While others see me whole
I'm torn apart,
With my words left unspoken

Bittersweet Spirit

Bittersweet spirit
Drunk by the ogres
Hiding in hell
In between these walls
The beast rests
Just to be sure
You won't open the gates
And let it's shadow out
To rule and reign
Over 'em all
Over us all
And quench his thirst
With our
Bittersweet spirits

a Crowd in the Smoke

Like walking though a fog
I don't want to go ahead
Since I can't see what's coming
So I hide inside my head

I don't have the courage
I guess I'm not strong enough
So I lay myself down
The big world seems so damn tough

Maybe I'm not the only one in this smoke
But others go on anyway
Even though they're scared
What's wrong with me?
Why ain't I strong enough to save the day?

I find nothing out there
Worth fighting for
Would you fight for me?
Am I worth it anymore?

The days I spend
In my corners of guilt
Darkening myself with shame
The dreams I killed
That no one fulfilled

Like an eye can be filled with
Both pain and hate
Even though none of us were
Left with an empty plate

Ourself is still the only one
We're pitying
And I still damn myself
For hanging on this string

Heaven's Infected

Heaven's infected
And we hear an angel's roar
Taken over by hate
Taken over by sorrow
With burning wings he curses heaven
Screaming out loud
Like poison in our ears

Heaven's infected
And an angel will die
Painfully he'll burn up
The fire of lust
Hopefully he'll burn up
Forbidden feelings in paradise
He belongs in hell

Heaven's infected
But we're not taking notice
at all

i'm faking it

and I hate you for loving me
I hate the world we live in
I hate my doubting heart
and my body stained with sin

for living hasn't given me anything
and hurting got me through
thy world is full of sadness
this world I cannot subdue

and frustration inside me
for being so damn proud
I'm faking it, I'm faking it!
and then I hide in the crowd

I've gotta get to learn myself
before I can last
and keep my sight ahed of me
just to forget my past

'keep your chin high
but don't forget to bow'
this is how we act among
emotions we should not show

calm my head

I tend to lose myself
when someone would confess to me
I guess I'm under pressure
afraid they wouldn't like what they see

so I wear this fake disguise
and start another act
I tend to ruin things
to keep myself intact

still I've got more traces and scars
then no eye could see
I know life ain't supposed to be easy but
why is breathing made so heavily!?

my trembling body trying to be still
it's like my storming head
need to keep myself detained
to not feel my dread

I think I'm scared of life
and what it could do to me
I think I'm scared to die
and to face everything I see

I miss the feeling of being loved
to know that someone would care
but I don't think I'm worth it
life weren't made to be fair

I'm terrified

Another day is passing by
And one more time, the sun will set
I weren't touched by light today

Cars are passing by
People are living their lives
While I'm locked up in myself
What am I afraid of?

Spring is coming
Winter is fading
But how do I spend my time?

Headaches and chest pains
Depression and anxiety
Why am I so damn sad?

Have I been bad?

And the wind bites me
The sun pains my eyes
But I can't live through a window

Why do I feel that I'm not ready for this world
I already faced troubles
We overcame, who can I blame?
Except. For. Me.

Spring is coming
Winter is fading
But how do I spend my life?

What makes me so afraid?
IS life that cruel?
I'm terrified.

To run away

I'd like to cut my hair
Dye it and change my clothes
Paint my nails, run away
And just become someone else
I could change my name
Forget my dreams
Forget the past
And just become someone else
Since there's nothing
That makes it worth the pain
To stay

to Hide Behind A Smile

Have you ever felt this panic in your chest?
Making it so damn painful to breathe
Just wanting to crawl up in a dark corner
When the world's too big, indeed

Wanting to hide from your problems
You don't need friends anyway
So much better off alone
Since you'd only scare them away

With your depression and your hurt
All this mess you live in
The darkness you've become
And all the sorrow hiding under your skin

Have you ever felt alone?
Wishing there was someone beside
Someone strong enough to hold you together
That you'd never push aside

Since this is what you do
When someone gets too close
You tried to figure why but
You keep tipping on your toes

Not letting them see
What's underneath these eyes
The tears at night and the constant hurt
Since you wear this disguise

Not giving those who care a reason
For why you'd turn reserved and hostile
When joy is too hard to fake
When you can't hide behind a smile

Kan Ett Piller Få Mig Att Le?

Jag lever i min verklighet. Lever i
min skit. Vill inte andas längre.
Vill inte försöka. Med böcker
på lungorna och med krav tunga
som tegelstenar på axlarna, vill jag
bara vila. En sömn som aldrig tar
slut. Med brännande blickar i
ryggen, vill jag bara försvinna.
Med alla jävla sociala prövningar,
som ger mig ångest. All osäkerhet
som flödar i mig blir till skakningar
och kramp i bröstet. Gör det tungt
att andas. Gör det tungt att leva.
Varför är jag ledsen? Varför gråter
jag? Skapar jag inte mina egna
problem? Borde jag inte kunna ta
mig ur dem då? Och fuckingjävla
Zoloft. Cipramil, Fontex, Seroxat.
De säger att jag är sjuk. Men är
det inte bara ett annat namn för
Alvedon och Ipren? Kan ett piller
lyfta böcker och dämpa skakningar?
Kan ett piller ge mig livslust igen?
Kan ett piller få mig att le?

Noose 'Round My Neck

It's been so long
Time goes fast
I guess I was stupid
Who'd think it would last
Open wounds
I thought was healed
But yet they're bleeding
So this was real?
The hurt
Was supposed to go
Away with love
But I guess it just couldn't
lay low

I tried to be independent
I tried to stand strong
I thought I'd be okay alone
I guess I was wrong
For I'm back again
I suffer
From things unreal
They've become tougher
Strangling me
Can't anyone see,
The noose 'round my neck
Keeping me in my world,
impossible to flee

Things to live for
I call them my stars
But in a black, winter night
I can only see scars
From anxiety
And days so bad
They thought I was better
Keeping this in is driving me mad!
You say I'm worth living for
But have I been fair?
I've only made your life worse
And the ones I push aside,
was the ones to care

You never Died

Go ahead, try again
Can you do my job better?
Slit your wrists, stop breathing
Write your suicide letter
Find the glamour
In my hurt
And then discover the truth;
To lay down in the dirt
Cry for your lost soul
'Til you see
That you turned inte to broken body
That you tried to be
Try harder
You're almost there
Though you'll never be me
You never had a lack of air
You never was overwhelmed by hate
You'd never leave wounds open wide
Hoping to bleed to death
You never died

My world turning Black

Two fucking weeks
I thought I was doing well
I never expected this to come back
My history was hell
And I smiled for real
Laughed indeed
But now I'm back again
Yes, now I bleed
For the oceans are drowning me
Sucked me down again
And the horror were over
But now I feel the rain
Hitting my chest
Like bombs from the sky
I won't try to hide it
Won't try to deny
Motherfucking sick
Never been sane
Don't want to breathe
I cannot explain
Anxiety and depression
Sitting on my back
Heavy as hell
My world turning black

Shadows In The Snow

A layer of virgin snow
So innocent and pale
No matter where I try to go
I always tend to fail
A light smoke above the frozen lake
Poison for us to inhale
And in the snow
A human left it's trail

The sound of reality fades away
As I stare out on this lovely view
Ghosts and shadows cast their mood
But I just see through
For I am charmed by the lights
Reflecting in my eye
And for once
I'm not afraid to die

Push Aside This Sorrow

Broken inside
And outside I'm falling apart
Get myself in these positions
Where I end up with a broken heart

How can a heart
Be stabbed so many times
Why do I deserve depression?
I haven't done no crimes

When the world seem to turn against
Like it wants me to pull the trigger
And when I won't
This hole is growing bigger

Let me give up
And sleep under the sky
Leave this mess
I don't want to try

I want to be whole again
I want a sane head
But ain't got no energy to fix this
So now I just need me dead

I wanted so long
To stop breathing
I tried some times
Without succeeding

I opened up
But just got hurt
And was left with wounds
'Cause by actions I couldn't revert

And I've tried so long
To stay alive
With this sorrow
That I tried to push aside

I won't give up
I promised not to
I'll keep running
I'll keep hurting
But I won't subdue

Estranging Me

Here we go again
My chest shivering
Broken, lost but not dead
And shoulders quivering

I feel so messed up
I feel so mislead
Let down
Like the times I bled

I try to tell myself
When my heart feels like a stone
Every fucking day
That I can make it alone

But in reality I'm just so small
Insecure and frail
Trying to hide this fact
With my heart full of nails

Stabbed in the back
And kicked on the ground
Broken in another piece
That can never be found

Losing parts of me
With every strike
The things I'm not supposed to do
The things you dislike

Is what I am made of
That you're trying to change
You're removing me
Making me strange

Accept me
For the choises I make
For the one I am
For every single mistake

Friendship

I'm attached to him,
he's attached to me
And drenching me in guilt,
everytime I try to fly free
Anxiety tags along with his face in my head,
instead of lifting me, he just makes me fall
Things I cannot do
Things I'm not supposed to
He makes me crawl
People I can't be around
He's the only one I can hang on to
And he's pushing me down
I feel so damn small
I want me to end
I need me to end
He weren't such a good friend after all

Lost And Alone

he meant much to me
and everyday I see myself fake
the relation he wants us to have
the expectation will make me break

for the first time in my life
I could've been free
Independence in doing what I want
the things that makes him disagree

he makes me promise
things I don't want to
like I owe him
and he'll always pursue

in my mind, in my head
he's made his way in
when I was sore and vulnerable
he got deep under my skin

and turned the one I was
into the one I used to be
the one I wanted to forget
the destiny I tried to flee

and now I can't stand this
I'm stuck
I want to sleep forever
get rid of my bad luck

and I lie
'cause I'm too weak
can't say no
to his goddamn technique

like before
I'm being tossed and thrown
and like before
I'm lost and alone

Sleep Forever

Let me sleep forever
To forget the world around me
Always claiming
The one I used to be

Let me sleep this month
To cover up my bad nights
Full of panic
I'd lose them with delight

Let me sleep a lifetime
So I won't have to deal
With all this fucking mess
The pain I constantly feel

Let me sleep forever
For I don't want to stay
I never recover from the kicks
I can't take another day

Don't Break Me

You ripped me up
Tore me down
In the ocean of tears
Just to let me drown

And deep inside
A heart is supposed to beat
Used to do this for you
Once you made me complete

Can you see this smile losing purity
And my face breaking
You couldn't have torn my heart out
Since I still can feel it aching

We do this over and over again
A game you adore
But next time we won't
I can't let you break me no more

SOD OFF!

And where were you
When I died inside
Where were you
When I just couldn't abide
You blame me
For doing this wrong
It's my fucking breathing we're talking about
I'm the one who's not strong
And you have no fucking idea
What the hell I'm talking about
You're not on the edge
With thoughts you want out
Maybe you know alot
But maybe I know more about me
You say that I know everything but
Maybe both can't agree?
I might just be childish
But so the hell are you!
I'm not listening,
but hell, then we're two!
You can't believe that someone younger
Can have something to say
Automatically it's all just bullshit
Who'd like to listen at someone who thinks that way?
You want me to listen, to understand
Then give me something aswell
Take in my words
And we won't yell
Right now I'm full of anger
You know alot, that's true
But what the hell, sod off!
You've got no idea what I go through

In the end

I've got a bad feeling
Biting me
Slowly eating
The one I used to be

I've got some bad experiences
And a bad past
For the things I've done
Scars will always last

I don't know how I do it
I must be a mistake for real
For all of this mess I've made
I don't have no energy to deal

People tend to turn against me
Something I create
I always do things wrong
I can feel their hate

Looks burning my back
As I walk away
For I am not pleased with myself
For I have few reasons to stay

Who will take my party?
Who will stand beside
Even if I manage to screw this
Who'd understand why I hide

No one lasts forever
No matter what you say
It's always lies in the end
I'm always alone at the end of the day

I might seem better
But I taught myself to keep it inside
I'm sorry for being so goddamn weak
I'm sorry I lied

Sleep Away The Sadness

Like a cloud above me
Bringin me rain
Like salt in these sore wounds
Bringing me pain

Like I'm bare in a winter
Frozen in deep
A cold heart and a cold mind
I need some sleep

Sleep away this problems
Sleep away this mess
And if I sleep forever
I might even lose this sadness

Dead

Innocent drops on my head
Echoing inside of me
For I am empty

Like a moment can fill me
But the feelings can't stay
For I am only a shell

I used to sparkle
And I was full of smiles
But in the end I'm nothing

Innocent drops on my head
Like an angel crying above me
For I am lost
For I am dead

Goodbye

A foot on the edge
And my back towards this beautiful place
'Cause now
I turn away

I can feel the scent from a flower
Spring just came
A perfect day
To turn away

As I close my eyes
For the sky oh blue
Remember
Summer days

So young, had no idea
How croul this world could be
And smiles always was for real
Happiness always was for real

And I reach out my arms
To welcome it all
The last chance to be vulnerable
Before I fall

It takes forever
Before I hit the ground
Such a feeling
And my birth
Such a waste
I was too weak
To enter this world
I was too weak
To enter this place
To take this shit
Loaded upon these weak shoulders
They said I was strong
But now
I've proved they were wrong
Sorry I couldn't try
This is goodbye

Refuse This

Words full of emptiness
I'm deaf towards your screams
Refuse these
Fights

Black eyes hide sorrow
And anger hides tears
Refuse these
Nights

No matter how much you scream
No matter how much you strike
You'll never hide the fact
That we're so alike
In words and lack of compassion
In thoughts and emotions
But you'll never reach
My devotions

I'll take my
Rights
I refuse these
Fights

Used

sometimes darkness terrifies me
and I almost drop dead
the screams in my ears
they're just in my head?
no one can hear them
scratch in the wall
except for me
and I feel so damn small
for fire and light
warmth and affection
has left me forever
for another direction
they left me for cold
and for depression
they left me alone
and in this aggression
for never finding truth
and always being used
for nothing but lust
and always left confused
it's my turn to give up
it's fucking my turn to die
to not care
it's my turn to not rely

Not to Die

You could choose to give up
Choose to give in
Lay down in the cold
Split up your skin
You could ignore time
And close your eyes
Just forget about the past
But pain can arise

And even if you find nothing out there
Nothing to smile for
Even if you've lost things
And want them the way it was before
Even if it tastes great
With blood on your cheek
Even if you feel so
Goddamn weak
And can't find no reasons to try
But a chanse to say goodbye
You still promised me
Not to die

I'm Wrong

My passion

Will let me drown

And your compassion

Will slowly tear me down

And bring me into

A certain demise

And this is too

A cheap prize

To give up your mind

When it should have occured

That all we leave behind

Is fucking absurd

And this is the way

If you want to die

And still when they say

I'm trying to deny!

'Cause I know that I'm wrong

I know it's not worth this shit

Go along

Only to make it

Yes I'm fucking wrong

This thing won't revert

I tried to stand strong

But I always end up hurt

Fucked Up

Why should I go on
When it pleases no one?
I can only disappoint
Things I cannot do undone

And I try to work hard
To give them alot
But to live is for now
All that I've got

And to breathe is hard
But I still do it for you
And I try every fucking day
Even if my smile always ain't that true

To go on everyday
And just to wake up in the morning
Is straining enough
My body gives me a warning

That I have to ignore
Just to live on
That's why I tend to break down
These voices that me descend upon

And they are collecting my blood
In a simple, paper cup
Draining my head
And I'm so damn fucked up

No Air

Is there a point in talking perfectly,
when you can't state your mind
Is there a point in remembering,
when I can't rewind
Is there a point in marching,
when they don't care
Is there a point in breathing,
when there's no air

Stars

My dreams are my stars
Keeping me alive, making me try
And stars are so much more beautiful
In a black midnight sky

When I'm surrounded by darkness
All these things that make me stay
In this fucking hell
The things that light up my day

Friends who'll always be there
And be by my side
Those who really care
That would greive if I died

That don't want more from me
Then to know that I breathe
Who'd help me stand strong
Who'd never me mislead

My friends are my angels
Brought down to this living hell
Worth to live for
Worth to get out from my shell

Only to see
The beauty in people who care
Unreplaceable
Makin' me feel whole
In the things I can't repair

Things to march on for
Things to breathe for
And I'll live until
They don't care anymore

Love's a Disease

Strike me in the face
Get him out from my head
I've wasted so much blood
The times I fled

Instead of fighting
Instead of speaking clear
True honesty, this is what we never had
And an intention to be sincere

Every day makes me more sure
That I don't miss you at all
What hits me is
That I still crawl

'Cause you were the only one
Who'd come after me
Who'd give a damn
When I'm down on my knees

And cannot breathe
It hurts like hell
The thoughts that overwhelm me
And I'm not doing well

Love hurts
And gets you down on your knees
Only to torture you
It's a goddamn disease

I'm locked up in myself
Try to stay shut and not let emotions drain
And now I've promised myself
That I will never love again

This Is My Explanation

I don't ever ask nobody to come after me
I try to go away instead
Who the hell would choose to die inside every fucking day?
To barely get up from bed
I don't claim nor try to break down
I try to do the best I can
I try to stay alive
I try to not depend or ruin
I try to survive
And I know that I manage to lose friends
They want so much more
No not only know that I breathe
And then they shut their door
I lost so many
Those who meant so much!
And I learned
That I can't expect a crutch
'Cause this is way out of control
This is being sick
I fucking need some goddamn pills
And this is not a fucking trick
I promise you
That you don't want to know
All what's inside my head
I try to not show
These emotions I cannot shed
And now I finally understand
That I'm fucking depressed
I don't have the will to live
All these things of what I'm obsessed
I'm sorry,
but I don't have so much to give
I'm sorry,
I don't ask you to forgive
And I don't expect you to.

Love Will Suck the Marrow Out of Your Bones

My unspoken words are choking me
And I can't stop thinking of you
And what's killing me is
The memories I still hang on to

Love is a sickness
But is there an antidote?
Anxiety takes over me
When all my cries are stuck in my throat

You don't give a damn anymore
How can you forget the times we shared?
The feelings still overwhelm me
When I think back at when you still cared

Like a bird without wings
But you still did set me free
But in the marrow of my bones
I still just want you to hold me

A Friend

This is my broken world
You cared enough to join me
In depression, in anxiety
You acceoted the one I chose to be

And I'm sorry if I hurt you
When I'm so insecure
When all I've got left to hang on to
Is an image, frail and unsure

A thousand apologizes ain't enough
That I can't make you okay
'Cause even if I don't want to
I tend to do things the wrong way
I really don't want to
But I tend to betray

And I kind of noticed
Even though I'm fed up in my mind
You care for me like no one ever did
No, I'm not blind

Evem though I close my eyes
When the truth appears
Trying to not get hurt
Still I end up in tears

Like a porcelain doll dropped on the floor
Broken and useless
Even though that graceless apperance
You saw me through my sadness
Drove me out from madness
Don't let me lose you again

A Waterdrop

Sweet tasting ashes is running down my throat
When the flames are finally out
and only left the ruins of me
With no voice left to shout
And kick and scream and fight
No, Nothing’s left inside of me
But sorrow, but pain
There’s nothing left to see
I used to be a flower
I used to be so good
Now I’m just a shadow
I feel so damn misunderstood
For the fire’s long over
And you’ve moved on
While I’m still licking my wounds
Since you’ve gone

A word can’t make a sentence
And a rose can’t be a garden on it’s own
Just like a waterdrop can’t be an ocean
I can’t make it alone

Doomed

I can feel it hurt inside
Like a knife cutting deep
Yeh, Love surely can kill us
Push us down an edge steep

Like a bullet through the temple
I try to forget about you
Manage to erase my life
But not the memories we went though

I thought only drugs came in pills
Injections and powder
But apparently love is worse
LOVE IS WORSE!
Scream it louder

I don't say I miss you
That's not a rule for this game
I'm supposed to forget
Who do we blame?

And love will break the most vulnerable
Strangle you in your dreams
Follow you through your good times
When you wake up in screams

You're doomed

Back Again

And I might seem okay
While it's just a new shell
To not get hurt again
I seem to be doing well
I'm like I used to be
Before I started to impart
But,
is this me?

And I might seem okay
I'm tough again
To not let anyone in
To not let anyone get too close
While I'm dying inside
And to not show,
This is they way I suppose

How many pills in a row?

And I guess this is the way
We need to start isolate
Or we'll get hurt again,
Or we'll break down again
Like a trial we await
And a mask is
what we need to create

No one will notice
They will think I am okay
While I'm going back to my old habits
For I have to pay
For being alive
For every step that I take
'Cause I want to survive
I don't want to break
And I have to fake
For all of my mistakes
And to not have to
Partake
In the truth

You've Been Killing Me

Let me whisper,
with a breth damn chill.
Let me prove to you,
that we're standing still.
Please don't forget,
the things you did erase.
Please don't leave these
things we can't replace.
admit it,
that you're so damn blue.
admit it,
this is something you never knew.
And tell me,
that there's still someone inside.
The one I used to know,
the one I used to love.
The one you put aside.
The one who died.
And let me show you,
that I still care.
I'm just trying to damp this,
I turn around in my despair.
And sleep with your face in my head,
with your smile in my mind,
and my eyes burning red.
Soar and frail, erased.
I tend to fail and,
my life is just a waste.
Let's break the rules,
let's break out.
To forget about the past,
you're the drug I can't live without.
This is pretty much what it's all about.
When you set me free,
I realized that your were simply,
killing me.

Human

Lost in the dephs of time
Lost in the dephs of a mind
And the human
Always forgets

Broken in a scent of truth
Broken in their ways to be blind
And the human
Never forgives

Calling out in desperation
Calling out for help
But the human
Has always been merciless
And full of cowardly

Seeking to find the perfect truth
To calm my storming mind
But all we can find
Is this greed
Growing like a seed
Inside of us

Trains

Do you remember the trains
They're running me over and over again
Blew out my brains
Driving me insane

You showed me the ruins
The left-overs you rejected
The joy you spoiled
The pieces you've collected

And the memories we created
That you forgot so well
Waiting for the end that was fated
Waiting for hell,
where I still dwell

And to hear the satisfaction in your voice
When I broke down
When you made your choise
When you chose to let me drown

Do you remember the trains
Won't leave me alive
Running me over once more
Won't let me survive

Rip Off Her Wings

You'd rather rip off her wings than watch her fly,
You'd rather isolate than deal with her when she cries.
You'd rahter let her break, burn up from inside,
You'd let her abide.

Just Can't Let It Go

Where did we go wrong?
When did we lose touch?
We used to belong
Now I'm not your crutch

How did we change?
When we used to love
Now me you estrange
You used to take me above

Out of this self-destructivity
Out of this fear
Got me in a productivity
Where I could be sincere

And what made me lose you?
What made us fall?
A new rutine to get into
With a newbuilt wall

I don't want to forget
How can you so easily?
Don't want to regret
I close my eyes heavily

And memories play before my eyes
Of how you used to smile
You could take me up to the skies
Even if you just held me for awhile

Black eyelids open up to this scene
And find reality
They hid a pair of eyes so damn green
With a lack of vitality

And it's my fault
But I blame it on you
Like a mental assault
The things you used to do

And how could I be stupied enough
To think that we'd make it
All we kept underneath, so rough
Now I submit

So damn easy to live in the past
The only thing we'd show
I guess that time has passed?
So damn hard to let go

Pills

Eight pills in my pocket
Discreet I count them in my hand
Sliding between my fingers
They run light as sand

How many in a row
Would get me rid of my anxiety
How many in a row
Would get me past this sobriety

And I'm choking
The cries are stuck in my throat
You've got no fucking idea what it feels like
To write your suicidenote

About to give up
About to give in
About to let go
What's crawling within

So damn insecure
And no one cares
You used to be there
I'm running out of prayers

So damn unsure
So damn frail
And no matter what I try to do
I always fail

So damn close to fall
And there's not many more hits I can take
Even if you didn't realize
There's so many times when you made me break

How many in a row
Lays ahead
How many pills in a row
Would make me dead?

Darkness Took Over Me

Darkness took over me
I didn't realize it when
I started breaking
I didn't realize it back then

Depression took over me
Made me fall apart
Couldn't stop it
I guess everything has a start

It got too far
I got worse
Was thrown into a life
I never got to rehearse

And it hurts in me to know
That it didn't have to be this way
I could've been happy
I could've been okay

I'm crying
For the life I didn't get to keep
The life I lost
Merories I've hidden deep

But could it really had gone another way?
Could I've had a real smile?
I think I've always been on this path
Moving closer to a trial

And my lips are shaking
I feel so damn small
In a huge world
No one noticed my sadness at all

I guess I've always been hiding
Something I thought was a part of life
That I carried everywhere
What made me play with the knife

Am I just tired?
Is that why I'm crying
Don't think so
I'm done with trying

To keep this surface up
To keep it inside
It would hurt others
If they knew why I hide

And goddammit I hate myself
For being so weak
So damn fragile
Happiness is what I seek

'Cause I started realizing
That everyone's not this way
With these thoughts all the time
Feeling a mental pain everyday

Underneath a shallow happiness
There's always a reason to cry
Always a will to break down
That I'm trying to deny

And I held it up for many years
Now I'm so damn tired
Haven't I been strong?
Isn't this something that should be admired?

I just can't care for others right now
I know you need me
And I'm sorry
That I'm busy trying to not flee

'Cause you must understand
That everyday is hell
With some stars of light
In a black sky, where I dwell

Sorry I can't help you as I'd like to
That I'm not the one I was any longer
And sorry
I'm not stronger

Mourn For Me

Pretty diffuse
Like a thick, black smoke
Obscuring my sight
Couldn't hear the words you spoke

Your lips are moving
But I'm not in your reality
Hiding in my head
Hiding from the brutality

And I'm impressed that you try to reach me
When I'm so far away
Trying to take my hand
Even when I'm lead astray

And yeh, I'm sitting next to you
While I'm a thousand miles aside
Just can't stand another day from hell
I'm sorry, I tried

I try to live everyday
To not be distant
You're better off without me
I shouldn't be existent

Shouldn't be alive
Shouldn't have been born
And if I'd go away
Would a single living soul mourn?

To Hide Forever

Just leave me here
Damn frozen and alone
Just leave me be
Let be become unknown

'Cause no one really cares
If I'm dead or alive
I walk alone
This time I won't survive

Soar and fragile
I hang on
On a frail image
In the root of dawn

And when the night is over
I'll crawl back in the sky
Small, in a black environment
Where I'll go high

Where no one can reach me
I'll be unaware
Of the life you'll continue with
That's pretty fair?

Will you let me
Go away
Will you let me
Hide everyday

Anxiety

And here it goes again
I start to shiver
I'm losing it
And my breaths quiver

And it's highly painful
I'm damn broken inside
I guess you've heard it a million times
That's why I put myself aside

And it's hard to describe
When your mind breaks down
When you're all damn alone
While other's around

When no one cares
No one gives a damn
When no one understands
That's when you're condemn

Disappointment

Left alone again
But this time, I won't be okay
Left out in the cold again
This time it won't go away

Can't you see how fragile I am
This time I won't come out alive
I've got too bad memories
This time I won't survive

Forgotten
Lost in the cold
Full of anxiety
And things I've never told

I broke our promise
I'm sorry, it meant much for true
I didn't want to disappoint you
But that seems to be the only thing I can do

For Mother

A home we didn't have for years
Barely a relation with our dad
Too much time alone
I guess we had our reasons to be sad

The warmth we never shared
In a way it's not supposed to be
A truly messed up family
So many times you saved me

You've always been my escape
Someone we can count on
Who'll always be there
Even when we're gone

I just want to make it clear
That we love you, it's true
We'll still need you here
What would we do without you?

<3

The Past

And you know just where to push
Like a marionette I follow your orders
You know just the right ways to hurt me
Taking advantage of my disorders

You know just the right buttons
Where I would break down
You've got me in your clutch
And with a word you'd make me drown

In my own blood
'Cause of the wounds we left open wide
The things we never mentioned
I've already died

And a heart full of sorrow and regret
Is what we left behind
Things we didn't clear up
Can't we just rewind?

Get me back to where it went wrong
And let me try again
Let's undo the hurt, unwind the misunderstandings
Give me a chanse to explain

Blame It On Me

All the shame
Is mine to bare
Everytime you fall
I should've been there

And when they hurt me
It's always the same
My own fault
On me they blame

And when I'm kicked
While I'm still on the ground
Blame it on me
I shouldn't have made a sound

And when I'm hurt
It's my own fault
Really, I don't deserve being okay
Fill my wounds with salt

Don't look down at me
Saying it ain't real
'Cause I always end up blaming myself
It's true how I feel

Blame it on me
Blame it on me
I'm okay
Just blame it on me

If You Knew

I'd like to tell you
What made my smile untrue
What made me hide
If you knew

And what has been tearing me
What drew me into
Been pushing me towards the edge
If you knew

Would you beleive me
If I told you what I went through
What I stood out with
If only you knew

And if I'd admit
That there was someone who
Made me this way
If you knew

And would you listen
If I'd review
My memories
If only you knew

I don't want to carry it on my own
What's making me blue
I want someone beside me
Who's willing to stay true
If only someone knew

Steel

If I'd show my emotions
Everytime I want to die
I wouldn't have no friends
And the ones around would suffer 'cause I cry

It's not fair to be depressed everyday
Then it's not only a burdon of my own
Everyone wouldn't stand it
And then I'd end up alone

And also
I don't want to show myself weak
And vulnerable
I'm already getting so much critique

And they'd find out how to hurt me
In the most effective ways
And since it's already tough
I don't want worse days

It's strained enough to wake up
Knowing there's another day full of depression
And anxiety and fear
Facing everyone's question

If I'm alright
And what is wrong?
Hard to explain
Why I don't get along

I don't really know the answer myself
But I know that it's real
I know that I'm broken
If I only had a layer of steel

Then no one could hurt me
No one could reach too deep
And a body of steel
Wouldn't cry itself to sleep

Carve And Cut

And it hurts inside of me
Don't know what
Can still feel it strong
Made me cut

And made me scratch and made me carve
Into the white skin of mine
And for the first time of my life
I felt the divine

It was filling me
For barely a minute
But those seconds was worth is
And the addiction still pursuit

But what is a world full of emptiness
Except for when I bleed
And even though I'm betraying
It's an aching need

This was what I deserved
Since I've done so much wrong
Don't deserve to be okay
I don't deserve to belong

And least of all
I deserve you
You're so damn good
Too good to be true

Going Down

My eyes are burning

Don't want to see no more lies
They made me like this

Please blacken my eyes

And I can see myself go down
Slowly falling apart

Can do nothing to stop it

Becoming another piece of art

And I just want to give up

But just when I'm about to withdraw

I find guilt inside

And you give me a new reason to go on

Maybe it's a burdon

That I'm addicted of you

You can make me high

Damp the thoughts that puruse

My eyes are on fire
Don't want to see your games
Am I the only one noticing
Can't you see the flames?

This is the prize,
Please blacken my eyes

Whispers

I'm full of sadness
Don't know why
But I've given up
Can I still catch your eye?

Something's eating me up from inside
And something is aching
I try to hide it
But I can feel myself breaking

And when I try to damp
The thoughts in my head
The feelings that bring me
Tears full of dread

I tried to hurt myself
To take the pain away
I got obsessive
But still was just lead astray

And now I'm broken
I can feel it damn strong
Still trying to find this
Goddamn place where it went wrong

What did I do
To deserve all this
Why am I wrong
What did I miss

My Obsession

I'm falling back again
Down in this depression
I'm losing track again
Finding back to my obsession

I'm playing rough again
And I'll get hurt
I'm feeling down again
It's about to revert

I'm falling back again
Down in this depression
I'm losing track again
And I've got to make a confession
Something for you to question
'Cause while it's killing me
It's still my possession

Silent Screams

And this feeling is stabbing me
I can feel it cut damn deep
These thoughts are making me see
That I'm balancing on an edge fucking steep

And these thoughts are bringing me panic
Slowly tearing me apart
I feel pretty manic
With sorrow deep in my heart

And I cry without no reason
I don't know why I'm sad
And life's moving on, season by season
It's driving me mad

That I just can't be okay
Just like the rest
For them it's a day
For me it's a test

Everyday is just another step closer to the edge
The will to say goodbye
Like am standing on a ledge
While I try to deny

You can say that I'm imagining
And even if it isn't real
It's real to me, and it sting
Yeh, even if it's not real, it's still how I feel

Just Before I Panic

I don't want to be this fragile
I want to be able to stand up alone
Don't want to be depending
I'd like to make it on my own

And I didn't ask for nights of horror
Coming from inside
I didn't ask for pain
And wounds open wide

I didn't want to be soar
I never wished to get hurt
Why did I deserve panic
To be down in the dirt

And I want to smile for real
Without being high
I want a chanse
And a reason to try

To go on
'til the day that I die
Get away from this darkness
In where I lie

And all the times I shiver
'Cause lack of security
When I don't want to stay
In my fucking reality

And if life's this way
I don't want to live
If I'd ever leave this place
Would you forgive?

Heaven is Burning

'Cause heaven's on fire
I'm burning alive
Paradise's on fire
Can I survive

So damn lonely
With people around
So damn broken
Time to come back to the ground
And realize
That I can't keep on sliding
From pills to fumes
Can't keep on hiding

'Cause Heaven's on fire
I'm burning alive
Could you save me
Make me survive
Heaven's on fire
It's always the same
Balancing on a line
To be lost in the flame

And I'm falling
From up high
Moving closer to reality
I don't want to die
And yes I've been crying
For goddamn too long
I'm losing, right?
It feels so damn wrong

I don't want to lose this
But I can see it go down
My heaven's on fire
I can see myself drown

Heaven's on fire
I'm burning alive
Would you save me
Make me survive

Words

And would you whisper in my ear
With a depth that could make me cry
Will you stand here
Even when I'm this close to die

You told me you'd stand by forever
No matter what
But can even the strongest ever
Hold on to a person who's shut?

I'd like to hold you till you shine
So no darkness could hurt you
I really want to make you fine
But I'm too weak to

Memories

I've got this image as myself
I'm so young
And I'm smiling
Not even ten and I've already swung

The times I wondered
What the hell was wrong with me
Why did I deserve this
Hated 'cause of the reflection I see

And all the times I wanted to cry
But no tears came
I never knew they'd come one day
Now they me proclaim

They're unstoppable
Ruining my act
Now I can't hide no more
Now the crowd react

I've got this image of myself
I'm so damn small
I'm smiling, I'm laughing
While I feel no joy at all

Sliding

A knife in my chest
Sliding in, deeper and deeper
Of pain I'm possessed
The secrets of a reaper

I'm so damn easy affected
By anywhere I can dwell
Not at all protected
I'll end up in hell

And just to feel hated
Has been tearing me
What your acts created
What they made me see

And I can't take more alone
Can't stand to be awake
Why can't I make it on my own?
Why is everything I do a mistake?

Why do I always ruin my joy
Crashing my fulfilled dreams
Maybe I can only destroy
That's at least how it seems

I've been sliding
From luck to goodbyes
I've been hiding
To prevent others' despise

But it's been a solution
That wouldn't last
It'll become my execution
Brought by the past

Somebody Else

And I'm sorry I'm not stronger
I want to be the one to wipe away your tears
And the control is no longer
Now it's black and white,
the truth appears

And I'm sorry for the cries
I'm not supposed to let them out
When in my head there's a reprise
For what I've felt,
I'm waiting for the drought

And I'm sorry that I ruin
Your good times
Hiding when you've got no clue in
What's in my head,
the role of my crimes

But most of all
I am so damn sorry
That I always fall
And can't be somebody else
I'd like to stand tall
But I end up crawl
I'm sorry
I can't be
Somebody
Else

Just Another Odd Lovepoem

And those times I wanted to cry
But no tears showed
The times I tried to deny
Has now made me expload

I'm just crying too much
My eyes are soar
And without you as my crutch
Wouldn't I be one of the corps?

So today I didn't want time to go on
I wanted those moments with you forever
But they're lost in this dawn
And it makes sedation the thing I endeavour

I miss you already
With you I stay in control
My legs feel steady
And you make me feel whole

Though all the things I feel
For you, I'd never admit
Too good to be true, you must be unreal
All the joy you emit

Hide It Deep Under Your Skin

Just walk, breathe
Pretend you're alive
And when you're alone
The tears may arrive
Just talk, smile
Like if you were alive
And while you're breaking
Pretend like you'll survive

Just walk, talk and smile
Just pretend that you're okay
And when you hide it underneath
Delight is what you convey

What Do I Bring?

And how could I describe this feeling
When I take a step back
Sitting alone, staring up in the ceiling
When I'm losing track

Don't want to stand in the way
I don't want to be the one to destroy
I'd rather go away
So you can still enjoy

And when I realize
That you make it better without me
I come to idealize
I don't want to see

If I wouldn't have been here
With my damn self-destructivity
The one who ruines the cheer
With my obstructivity

And fooling myself everyday
That I'm adding something
The thoughts me astray
And like a smoke, depression is all I bring

And I wanna scratch away my skin
Then I'd be done hiding
You'll see how it's always been
That I've always been sliding

Let Me Hurt

And I didn't want to hide today
Losses of breaths becomes gigantic
I don't want to be this way
And I don't want to panic

My condition is unknown
I have to wait for the voices to go away
Until then I'm locked up alone
I'm really not okay

Only a few have seen me
When I'm this way
When I just can't be
Normal, like the rest may

A thousand miles away
But still I'm sitting next to you
Your looks are like from a beast of prey
And they always pursue

Though I couldn't make it without
Someone caring
Sorry I'm so weak and so damn full of doubt
Feels like everyone's staring

Whispers full of anxiety and fright
I've got the convictions
Though I'm not alright
I just can't get rid of these addictions

And they are hurting me
Taking over my mind
And hell I don't know why
The truth is refined

Down in the dirt
Gets me high
And let me hurt
I just don't want to die

It's a devotion
It makes me feel alive
To get rid of this emotion
Helps me to survive

Suicide

Turning darker and darker
Growing bigger and bigger
This huge hole
Begging me to pull the trigger

Voices inside of me
Screaming in my head
No matter how hard I try to drown the sounds
I can still hear them wishing I was dead

And a razor to my neck
Closed eyelids
Now is the time to remember
Remember what they did

I'm shattered
A fucking thousand pieces
For you it never mattered
And my tears increases

Touch my face
Can't you feel the flames?
Brought to erase me
When the devil claims

And they are everywhere
This is their assault
And it's scaring me
But I guess it's my own fault

Madness

So here I am
Damn speechless
And the only thing I feel
Is a strong scent of emptiness
This feels so unreal
Hope it's a dream
And that I'll soon wake up
With a new self-esteem

And this is tearing me
My whole world is changing
Replaced rolls
And the fucking manuscript re-arranging
The world is teasing me
Kicking me while I'm still on the ground
Giving me no chanse to recover
A torture damn profound

And I've been here before
I remember it like hell
So many tears
The impulse to say farewell
Insecurity and unspoken words
The loneliness
No one to turn to
Drowning in this sadness

Only bringing me madness

I Can't Make the Past Undone

If I could change the past
If I could make it go away
I'd make these things undone
And reverse the times I did betray

The times I made a hole
Inside of me
The times I lost control
When reality disagree

I brought a shadow over myself
And the ones in the crowd
The ones who care
I can never make them proud

'Cause all the times I tried
To not hurt anyone
I did exactly what I didn't mean to
I can't make this undone

And I'm damn sorry
I really want to make you glad
I want to tell you I can do it
Smile with control I've never had

*~*~*

This is a way to tell the ones I hurt
That I'm sorry
I'm so damn sorry
I never wanted to do it on purpose
I'm damn weak
Can't take critique
And when I hurt myself
I know I hurt you
I just can't take this

And I'm sorry I'm not stronger

Crush My Head

My head's aching
The thoughts are bombing my mind
And when I smash my skull against the wall
Serenity is what I want to find

I don't want to think
I know just what'll happen if I do
I'd come to realize
What I'm not letting into

And I can't keep the voices down
They are screaming in my head
I just want to silence them
They'd want to see me dead

I'm sorry I'm doing it
Over and over again
I just can't stand it
I just can't strain

You're Perfect To Me

I've got an addiction
Someone who can make me smile
But still this contradiction
Someone who can make me hostile

And I'm sorry as hell
But I'm so damn obsessed with your eyes
They could tame a rebel
Would see through any disguise

And I wanna give you the stars in a jar
So you could glance at their beauty every night
I'd like to change what things are
And just like you're mine, I wanna be your knight

I'd like to make the past go away
I want to promise you my smile won't be fake
But even if you still light up my day
You can so damn easily make me break

You're the one who can reach to me
Deep inside
And when you disagree
It tears me open wide

You've got that look in your eyes
When I disappoint you
Will you never get tired of my lies?
My ways I use to get through

You're so goddamn perfect
Beautiful in every single way
And your beauty infect
Colouring the world so grey

Let Me Make You Whole

And when you see how vulnerable I am
Will you let me hide under your skin
Get so damn close to you
Hide deep within

Will you take me to your deepest chamber
And put the key in my hand
Will you ever trust me
Or will you get me banned

And dwell upon your own thoughts
Bearing your burdon alone
Will you stay this strong
Will your secrets stay unknown

Will you take me in your arms
And share me your soul
Show me that you care
Let me make you whole

You won't miss me

And when the memories come back
Of how you betrayed
Can't you see I'm losing track
Have you got any idea how many times you made me use the blade

And now it's my time to go
I don't want it to repeat
Just admit you never loved me, you know
This was all incomplete

And I don't want to be the stupied one again
Don't cry for me
This was the only way to get it out from my brain
I'm sorry that I had to flee

You won't miss me
I wasn't meant to be anyway
I'm sorry for the way I chose to be
I'm sorry I couldn't stay another day



"dont think of this poem
it's just the thoughts i had to get out
it's the feelings tearing me
the things that made me want to shout"

Help Me

The blood in my lips are pounding,
Like they're telling me to cut
They are damn resounding,
A sound I just can't shut

And how can someone save me,
If they can't see I'm dying?
Would they just flee,
And leave me without trying?

Please just see me someone,
And switch my pills
Make this killing undone,
Give me something that doesn't kills

Can't you see for help I scream,
That I try to get through
I know that okay I seem,
But if you just knew

They say that I am strong,
I can beat these fights
They are so damn wrong,
But never saw me one of these nights

And I'm telling you
I can't do it alone
For fucks sake, I can't get through
I'm sinking like a stone

Scratch

Scratch, scratch
Somethings crawling inside
Underneath my skin
I'll scratch it open wide

Scratch, scratch
I can't get it out
What's floating in my blood
I just want to shout

Srike, strike
My fists hit my thighs
In frustration I strike
Can't live with my lies

Scratch, scratch
I'm scratching my arm
A layer of skin
I can't live without self-harm

And I sound like a pshyco
When I'm crying out loud
In frustration I'm scratching, I'm hitting
I'm hiding from the crowd

'Cause no one can see me
When I'm this way
They only see the consequences
The price that I pay

this is just fuck

Will you stay with me
Or did I scare you away
Will you stand by and see
Will you get me through the day

Would you take my sored hands and say
"Don't hurt yourself no more
'Cause when you're not okay
I am also torn"

Waiting

I'll be waiting for this loneliness to go away
I'll be watiting for these wounds to heal
I'll be watiting for my hesitation to decay
And one day, a happiness for real

I'll be waiting for the storm to calm down
I'll be watiting for someone to rescue me
I'll be waiting for the world to crown
And one day, I will be free

I'll be waiting for the autum leaves
I'll be waiting for a time without pain
I'll be waiting for being able to roll up my sleeves
And for the stars to reign

And when the scars will fade
As the memories, they will fade away
I'll forget the blood I paid
For happiness,
It's the only way